A little light reading

Sorry I haven’t posted anything in awhile. I have been doing a lot thinking and a lot of reading. On the thinking part, I have been going through some weird emotions lately and I haven’t been able to put them to words. I can’t even explain it to Hubby I just don’t know what it is. I will try to write more on that later.

Now for the reading part. Since the May 21st, I have been doing a lot of reading. Before I was busy moving, unpacking and just trying to settle in. So I got busy and have been reading in my spare time, mostly at night.

Here are the books I have read so far.

The Da Vinci Code-Dan Brown-It was ok. I really didn’t see what the big fuss was about. It was predictable and I knew right away who the Teacher was.

Coroner’s Journal: Stalking Death in Louisiana-Louis Cataldie-This was a good book. I am fascinated with forensics but I know that I could never face what these people face everyday.

Baby Proof-Emily Giffin- I won this book from Manic Mom and it actually hits bookstores on June 13th so it was cool to get it before everybody else. I was a pretty good book. I had strong feelings about the character in that I did not like her. Maybe because I did not chose her path. I think a good book provides you with reacting to the characters good or bad. I think this one will spark some debate.

Adventures of a Celebrity Personal Assistant Chore Whore-Heather H. Howard- This was a fun book! I am a celeb gossip whore and I loved the story line. It was delicious.

The next two books were recommended by Stephen King in the last Entertainment Weekly.
Dispatch-Bentley Little-I only read half of this book and could not finish it. I was bored. Hubby read it and told me the end. Not satisfying.
The Store-Bentley Little-Did finish this one I did not like it either. The guy rips off Stephen King no wonder King likes him. It reminded me of Stephen King’s earlier stuff but not as good.

The Breakup Club-Melissa Senate-I love this author. See Jane Date, Whose Wedding is it Anyway, and The Solomon Sisters Wise Up are her other books. This one did not disappoint.

Tales From the Crib-Risa Green-This is a sequel to Notes From the Underbelly. Tales is about the aftermath of giving birth. It really nails it.

So I have been busy trying to stimulate my mind. I will write more later on what I have been going through lately.

Bye for now!

Hubby is going to cry when he sees this

David Lee Roth was on Leno last night. He has put out a CD with Van Halen songs sung bluegrass style. Here is the video. This is really sad.Is David pissed so now he is going to mock Van Halen?

Summer Fun

Little Cubby playing in the sand

Big Cubby acting goofy

Weekend

It started out nice. Hubby came home Wednesday night and it was great to see him. We went to bed thinking about all the wonderful things we were going to do over the next five days. Thursday morning we woke up and Hubby and Big Cubby were sick. We are talking about fever, coughing and achy muscles. So, that day the boys rested and I ran some quick errands.

Friday rolls around and the boys are not any better. Fever and Big Cubby throws up a popsicle. So, that day I go check out a few stores in my new town.

Saturday, still no progress. Hubby has given Big Cubby to much OJ and he throws it up. In the kitchen sink. In my dish water.

Sunday morning there is hope. The boys seem to be feeling better. We head up to the park just to get some air. We don't stay long and Big Cubby has to be carried back. He was too tired from all the laying around he has been doing for three days. We cook out and that is the extent of the day.

Monday, boys are much better. We go to the park several times and we have a good day.

Hubby returned to work on Tuesday and back to the normal grind.

Today I talked to Hubby at work and he said he wasn't feeling good. Crap! How can we get this sickness out of our house?

Luckily, Little Cubby hasn't gotten it. Knock on wood.

I had planned the zoo but now that will have to wait.

So that is my recap of the holiday weekend. Sounds fun right?

Wait what is that? Do I feel some tingling in my throat? I must go take some Emergen-C quickly.

Everyone keep there fingers crossed that I don't get sick. I just can't.

Run For Your Lives

Bolt your doors.

Lock your windows.

Hide under the bed with a can of Lysol.

The Sickness is HERE!

That's right some sort of flu has hit the Cubby home. Big Cubby and Hubby are both sick. I think Big Cubby picked it up at the park and gave it to Hubby before he left on his trip.

They have a fever. Big Cubby's fever is 102 and has been for two days. His skin is on fire. Today he threw up twice. I think it is because Hubby gave him too much OJ and he hasn't had anything else to eat.

Both are achey and have drainage.

I have been praying that Little Cubby doesn't get it. I have been popping Airborne for two days. Hoping I don't get sick. Drinking white tea also.

So, lock up your children and hide the sickness is out there.

I survived

Hey everybody sorry about updating but I have been busy entertaining two kids. Hubby left Sunday morning and will be getting back this evening from a trip to a convention in Las Vegas.

That is right I spent 4 days and 3 nights alone with the boys. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I made sure we went to the park twice a day trying to wear them out so they would sleep all night. It worked. The boys slept through the night!

I am so glad Hubby is coming back today. His business trips are usually just overnight so this recent one was a killer. I really miss him and miss talking to him. Nights are the worse because I have trouble falling asleep hearing every little noise.

Hopefully this is the last of business trips for awhile.

Precious Moment

Yesterday afternoon around 5pm or so, I was on the computer when Big Cubby came into the room and told me he was tired and needed a little nap. He climbed onto my lap and snuggled my arm with his eyes close.

I had been listening to the radio because a local station had bootlegged the Pearl Jam concert a few days ago in Chicago and were playing it. By the way it was awesome. The music was pretty loud but Big Cubby fell asleep.

I positioned him so that I was holding him and his head was on my shoulder. I rocked him to the music as he slept. His little face was toward me and I caressed his hair and kissed his cheek.

It flashed me to when he was a baby and the only way I could get him to take a nap was if he slept on me.

It was the most wonderful moment especially because of what yesterday was for me. (read post below) I came to realize he will always be my baby no matter how big he gets.
As I sat there rocking him, I silently cried. I have a beautiful family and I am very lucky.

Day of Remembrance

Today is the 10th anniversary of my father’s death. I can’t believe it has been that long. My dad and I had a rocky relationship all my life but it really did not kick in to being bad until after my parents divorced. It was a bitter divorce. It wasn’t until after I got married in ’93, did we start working on our relationship and started to love each other again. That was cut short.

My dad died of heart failure. He was 48 years old. Here is the story.

My dad got a virus in his heart. The doctor’s think he picked it up while in Vietnam during the war. It did not rear its ugly head until 1982. My dad blacked out one night and was taken to the hospital the doctor’s were not sure what it was they thought it was his lifestyle of drinking beer and smoking so he was told to quit those.

In the early 90’s he had another incident. My mom got a phone call from my dad’s best friend letting us know my dad was in the hospital in St. Louis. Side note: My step-monster step-mom hated us and did not call my sister or me about this. So we headed up to see him and he was doing better. He was told his heart had enlarged and he would need a heart transplant. So he was put on the list of organ donors.

He got better for awhile and then he had another incident. This time my step-mom called me and told us to hurry that they did not know if he was going to make it. We hurried to the hospital where my step-mom was hysterical and telling me to go in the room and talk to my dad and tell him he had to live that he would listen to me. So I am in his room telling him to fight it. Luckily he was stabilized and was doing better. He was taken back to St. Louis where he had is own heart transplant team. They moved him up the list and while he waited they operated on him and put a defibulater internally on his heart. If his heart stopped then it would shock it until it was beating again. He lived with this for a while and it did shock him a lot. He said he got used to it.

This whole time he has been moved up and down the transplant list so many times. He never let on how bad he was doing because I think he was afraid of the transplant and all the medicine he would have to take. Also not knowing how long he would live with a new heart.

On May 19, 1996, my sister was going to my dad’s house to pick up the list of people she would be inviting to her wedding that July. When she got to my dad’s house she knocked on the door and my aunt answered it. Everybody was crying and then she was told our dad had died.

My dad went to church and was leaving the service early to meet my sister at his house. He got in his car and wasn’t a block from the church when his heart stopped. The defibulater failed to work. He wrecked his car which wasn’t bad just a fender bender. He was rushed to the hospital and was declared dead.

We would not have known if my sister hadn’t been on the way to his house. She called my mom and my mom called me. My dad’s side of the family are very bitter and hateful people. You see they only heard one side of the story about the relationship my father and I had and they thought we were ungrateful kids. What they did not realize is that everybody was at fault. That we were working on patching it up. The funeral was horrible. We were not asked to go in on flowers and the only flowers that had Dad on them had a card from my step sister. During the visitation, people would come up to me and ask who are you? Um, I am his daughter and they would go oh, I thought he had only one daughter. I then told them that that was is step daughter and that my sister and I were is flesh and blood daughters. We had to drive in the back of the funeral procession. When we got to the cemetery I pushed ahead and made sure my sister and I had a seating in the limited seating area.

My dad was a vet and he had the gun salute. When that happened I lost it and broke down crying. I cried for the loss of my dad, I cried for the loss of our relationship, I cried for my dad never getting to see his grandchildren, I cried I lost my daddy.

I have not seen my dad’s side of the family in 10 years. I send my grandmother a Christmas card but that is it. My step-mom married within a year to one of my dad’s friends and moved to Wyoming.

A few weeks after my dad died I had a dream and it was a very vivid dream. My dad was at the foot of my bed and he told me not to worry that everything was going to be ok. I woke up and he was gone. It felt so real. I felt so much peace. I called my step-mom and told her about it. I don’t think she cared but it really made me feel better. He was telling me that we were ok.

A lesson here is never take anything for granted.

I love you dad and I miss you.

A decision made

We have made the decision to hold Big Cubby another year before we send him to kindergarten. He is within days of the cut off for kindergarten that we feel he is not ready for it.

We did not want to start his school career off on a bad note and then him hating school the rest of his life. He has a few things to work on just yet.

We are looking for a preschool in the area to send him to in the fall. I want him to be prepared.

We feel good about the decision. We are afraid that teachers will mistake Big Cubby not wanting to sit still with ADHD. I know he doesn't have it and that he is a typical kid. He really hasn't had to sit and pay attention to something other than tv and he can if it is one of his favorite shows.

When did pressure on kindergarteners become so intense? It is like they have to know all this stuff just before they start. Like we have to do the job of the teachers in them knowing writing and phonics. Hello I though phonics was learned in 1st grade. Boy, times have changed and there is such pressure on kids and parents that it is crazy. It makes me sick to my stomach with stress.

I want my son to grow up and not feel pressure to please us. I just want him to enjoy his life.

So the journey begins with finding an affordable preschool that we can get into since we are really late for registration. I have bought a preschool workbook and Hubby will be sitting down with Big Cubby this summer and working with him on it.

I think my stomach will settle once we find a preschool for him.

I want to thank everybody for their encouraging comments. They made me feel really good and not alone. I still will be sad when my baby goes to school but now I know he will be ready to go the next time around.

We have been city folks for too long

Last night when we went to bed around 11pm we heard a noise. It sounded like someone was walking on the roof then jumped down on the roof of the business in front of us. The roof for the business is right next to our windows on the second floor.

Hubby turns to me and asks did you hear that and I said yes. He gets up and looks out the window but doesn't see anything. He heads downstairs to look. Meanwhile, I check on the boys and see if they are ok. They are.

Hubby comes back upstairs and we look out the window again. The neighbors don't see to be out so we don't think it was them. Hubby looks out the window and we see something near the trash can. He opens the window and steps out onto the roof of the business in front of us. He looks over the side and he sees something climbing the house next to us and then hanging on a electric wire. He thinks it is a cat but looks again and it drops to the ground we run to the door that leads outside from upstairs and the motion light comes on.

Running under our van is a raccoon. A freaking raccoon. This thing is loud. He woke up Little Cubby when it jumped from our roof onto the other roof. It kept staring at us and finally took off into the neighbors yard.

We have lived in the city for too long. We thought it was someone walking on the roof trying to break in. Totally freaked us out. Hubby is going to call the city today and report it. Don't want any kids getting bitten by one they are mean.

What a night time adventure.

20 months

Little Cubby you are 20 months old today.

You have grown so much. You do such the cutest things.

You love to make funny faces. You love to smile really big. You love to be chased especially by your brother.

You eat pretty much any time of food he give you. You are not too picky. You love ice cream.

You are starting to sleep better through the night. You wake up once or twice but go back to sleep pretty quickly. Your daddy has taken on night duty because you seem to accept going back to sleep when he comes into the room You get really upset and want to be held if I come in to reassure you.

With daddy taken over night duty, you are completely weaned from the boob. Now mommy can get a little more sleep.

You can say: I see, get down, poo poo, mama, daddy, ball, wow,sock, shoe, hi, bye at least it sounds like you are saying these things.

You still love your pacy which is going to be a MAJOR deal to wean you from.

You love people. You like to smile and wave at everyone.

You still throw mini fits when you don’t get your way. You will throw yourself down on the floor and roll around. Sometimes you bang you head on the floor to have more drama.

You like to play at the park. You don’t like the baby stuff you go the big kids play area. You can go down the curvy slide. You went down head first on a smaller slide before I could get to you and you just squealed in delight.

You like to climb, though you haven’t figured out how to get out of your crib yet. Knock on wood.

You still like to cuddle with me. You will sit on my lap and rest your head on my chest.

When you see a big truck, train or anything that you think is cool you love to say wow with your eyes really big.

You still like music. You like the Wiggles and Jack’s Big Music Show. You love to dance. You like to play with the Wiggle’s microphone you have over and over again.

You are my little guy and I love you very much!

Control

Today,I went to pick up the packet to register Big Cubby for Kindergarten. Yesterday I made the call to find out where he would be going and got some info. That night I talked with Hubby about it and wondered if this was the right thing for Big Cubby or should be wait another year. I was in tears about it.

Part of me wondered if it was because I am nervous about Big Cubby behavior. Would he sit still and listen? Would I get calls from the school about him being disruptive? The other part of me wondered if it was because for almost 5 years I have been his protector, his everything. Now I will have to give up some control of him to someone else and trust that he will be safe.

I thought when kindergarten came around I would be happy to see him go. That it would give me time with Little Cubby. It would be a relief. Now, I think about the first day of school and it makes me cry.

I took the boys and headed up to the school. I got the packet and signed him up for a pre kindergarten event that will happen on the 25th of this month. Just a one hour get together with fellow soon to be kindergartners and their parents. We meet the principle and then we are on our way. Big Cubby acted shy and would not answer the principles questions. Then we get outside and he starts to throw a fit because he wants to stay and play this happens right outside the window of the office. It is raining and cold and he decides to do this. I try everything except yanking him and finally get him to the van. He refuses to get in. I put Little Cubby in his seat and finally get Big Cubby in the van and in his seat.

We get home and I call Hubby and just start crying. This is what I am talking about. Is Big Cubby ready for kindergarten when he acts like this. Will he behave at school? I have paperwork to fill out this weekend and have to return on Monday. I don’t want to have another episode while we are leaving. I am dreading going back there.

I hate to admit that my baby is growing up. I can’t believe I will be sending him out into the world without me part of the day. I feel like crying now while writing this.

Big Cubby has never been away from me, my husband or family. Someone I have trusted has always been there. This fall I am going to have to give my son to a stranger and trust that he will be ok. This scares me.

First Blind Date

Tuesday I had my met my very first blogger in person. Manic Mom is super cool and her little Tuker is just adorable. We met up at a park and our boys got to play while we got to know one another.

At first I was really nervous because you just don't know who you are meeting when you meet someone online. I was nervous the boys would act up and that I just might be a boring person. I started to feel a little anxiety and got a little sweaty. I was afraid I would not be interesting. Manic Mom made me feel really relaxed and I had a great time.

I am not really good at meeting new people and I am trying to come out of my shell a little. (still don't like calling people on the phone hence why I haven't called to enroll Big Cubby in kindergarten).

You wonder about people who write on blogs and if they are putting up a persona that want you to know and not who they really are. Manic Mom is the real deal. She is really funny and very sweet.

I look forward to hanging out with her more! Maybe adult beverages are in order.

I would love to meet more bloggers in person. I think of a lot of you guys as my friends. You have made me feel normal and that what I go through with the boys is normal. You have been my support group. I am thankful for of your comments and your advice! Sorry to get sappy that is what happens with one bottle of beer.

Weekend

We spent the weekend driving around our new surroundings. We found the grocery stores, Kohl's (because I love that place), shopping areas, restaurants, and laundery mat.

We bought a vacuum this weekend and the one we wanted we had to drive all over to find. It was a Bissell and really common. We went to four Targets, Home Depot, and Wal-Mart finding it at there in a suburb far away.

I have been taking the boys out to the park each day to run them tired. Little Cubby is getting better with sleeping through the night only waking once or twice. We are getting there. Before long he will sleep all night. Running outside has helped a lot.

I have been so busy that I haven't had time to sit down to read or play on the computer.

Tomorrow I am meeting Manic Mom which is going to be cool. I am a little nervous because I am not around adults very often. I am socially retarded if you know what I mean. I look forward to meeting her!

Got to go so much to do. I will post tomorrow about the great meeting.

Moving

Where do I begin?

Saturday we loaded up our minivan with a load of boxes and headed to our new place to pick up the keys and check it out. We get in and start deciding where everything is going to be. We then headed over to Hubby’s grandparents house to meet up with Hubby’s parents who came up to help us move. They followed us to the new place so they could see it. They loved it. Actually the loved the fact the place looked safe and that I will be able to take the boys outside to the park more often.

Here is a condensed version of the move.

Sunday comes around and we haven’t heard from U-Haul about our truck we reserved. They were supposed to call us on Saturday to tell us where to pick it up. We call and they say they don’t have us in the system even though I printed out the confirmation I received. So we finally find a truck around 11am (been trying since 9am) and it is smaller than we requested. We pack up all the big stuff and got as many boxes in it we could.

Hubby fell down the stairs and hurt is knee, elbow, ankle and ribs. I have bruises all over my legs and my fingers, hands, wrists, and forearms are so sore and stiff I feel like I have arthritis.

It rained all day so it was wet and cold. We get all we can in the truck and we head out. A little side note, I have lived in Chicago 8 years and I have never driven the toll ways because I am afraid of them. I had to drive them on Sunday and luckily it was a Sunday. There were a few moments I thought I was going to lose it but I made it to our place ok. The boys slept the whole time which helped.

We unload which went faster then loading and were done by 6pm. We head over to Hubby’s grandparents house and have dinner. We practically eat and run because we needed to put the boy’s beds together. We decided to drop off the rental truck that night just to get it out of the way. We get done by 9pm and off to bed the go.

Monday, Hubby heads back to the old place and loads up the van. I try to start making sense of the boxes and start unpacking. Tuesday we all go back to the old place and fill up the van for the last time.

The hell was finally over. We had a few broken things and we left behind a few things. I don’t care because now we are done with the old apartment. Now if I could get my mail delivered I will be fine. We put in a change and a stop on mail but on Tuesday at the old place there was mail in our box. I haven’t received any at the new place yet. Little worried about that. Hey that is me I have to have something to worry about.

We are getting settled and I have taken the boys to the park yesterday and today. We have gone for walks and have gone up and watched the trains go by. I have been wound up tight for a long time and while some of that will not go away because that is me, I am feeling a little bit more relaxed.

I think this move will be good for as a family. I hope to have stories of the suburban life soon.

Welcome to the neighborhood

This happened this morning right next to where I live. I saw a helicopter and the trains stopped but did not know what was going on. I heard on the news. Thank goodness I did not take the boys out to see what was going on. Gross.

I'm baaaaack

I got internet hooked up today!! I have missed everybody so much! I have a lot to tell everybody which I will do in a later post. We are moved in and now trying to resume some type of routine. Let's just say the move was hell and I have a lot to talk about.

The boys love the place!

Last post before move

Just wanted to let everybody know that this is my last post until Wednesday. That is when the phone peeps come out to hook us up. So no internet until then. I don't think I will survive. Please don't do anything too exciting while I am gone. I will miss everybody!

Ok, off to get some sleep tomorrow we pick up the keys and start moving a few boxes. Sunday is the truck move.

The Final Count Down

Well, we have just a few more days left until the big move. I think I have most everything packed. I will be glad when this is over.

I am very proud of myself I have exercised every day this week. It has been really helping me with the stress.

Not sure when we will be disconnecting the DSL or when we will be back up but knowing my Hubby we won't be down long.

That is the update for now.

The joys that are my life right now

Moving sucks! I hate it. I hate packing and unpacking. I hate trying to figure out where everything is going to go. I hate the physical part of it and being sore for a week after.

The neighbors upstairs are back so that means Little Cubby has been getting up 3 to 4 time a night. Meanwhile, I am trying to pack during the day, deal with the kids, do laundry, and do all the other stuff that needs to be done.

I am exhausted! If I don't hurt anyone before this is over, then it will be all good.

Oh boy

First I did not realize how long it has been since I have posted. Things have been crazy here. We are moving next Saturday and Sunday. Yes that is right we have one week to move. Here is how it came about.

Saturday morning Hubby called on a couple of places and we made a few appointments to look at some houses. We go to our first appointment and it is a house near the train station but behind this small business. The guy owns the business who is renting the house. It is two story with 3 bedrooms, a basement with washer/dryer hookup, fireplace, extra room for play area or office. It is right near downtown and a park is two blocks away. There is not a yard but there are a few parks to go to. It is a really good price in rent and we only plan to stay a year. The school is in walking distance.

We went to our second appointment, when we did finally find it, we were early so we drove up the house a couple of times. It was really small and the rent they wanted for it was ridiculous. We decided to go to lunch and we called the person to cancel. We kept talking about the first place we saw and even though it is kind of laid out weird it had a lot of perks. We called the guy back and asked to see it again because the first time we rushed through it because we were early. He said sure but someone had all ready put paperwork in for a credit check. He said we could fill out one also and just see. Hubby was talking to him and mentioned where he worked and the guy was impressed. He then said he had a good feeling about us and he wanted a family to rent and he gave us the house no credit check. We paid him first months rent and security even though he just wanted the security.

We are now in the process of packing and it is crazy. I have ten million things running through my head and some many things to do. We have a really good feeling about this place. The boys can know be boys. I like the fact I am within walking distance to shops and the library. It is a nice suburb in DuPage County for those who are in the area. I am withholding the name of the burb right now.

Manic Mom I might be moving in your area. I could let you know through email.

Anyway it is going to be a crazy week. I will try to keep you updated on what is going on. Not sure when we are disconnecting the DSL and when we are going to be up and running.

This is how we always do things always spontaneous.

tagged

Rules
1. Go write weird facts/things/etc. about yourself in my comment box and on your blog, then tag six more people!
2. Then leave a comment that says You are tagged in their comments telling them to read.

OK, I have been tagged by Nello and I have been thinking about what I can write about myself. So here are a few things.

1. I have small anxiety attacks when I have to talk to people on the phone. This is people I don't know. I am supposed to call on places to look at for us to rent and I can't get myself to pick up the phone. Hubby gets upset with me because he has to work all day and I am available to make the call. I think part of it is I am not sure what to ask and I will forget something. I am this way also when calling the doctor's office, stores, or anybody I don't know.

2. I am disgusted by feet. I can not stand to have my feet touched. It totally grosses me out. Thinking about it makes me want to throw up.

3. I am a planner. I used to be really freaky about it but now with children I have relaxed a bit. I have to have an idea of what I am going to do during the day.

4. I like to read trashy magazines on celeb gossip. I really don't know why because most of it is not true. Maybe because these people flaunt their money and fame and it is nice to see them look like most of us when we wake up.

5. I have one nostril that is smaller then the other. I can breathe fine. My husband likes to remind me of it all the time like I am a freak.

That is all I can think of right now. I know I am boring.

I am not going to tag anyone this time.

I have started packing even though we don't have a place to move to yet. We told the landlord and he is putting the apartment in the paper. So I guess I better get my act together and find someplace.

Duh, Daddy

Big Cubby said the cutest thing last night while he was watching tv with his Daddy.

He saw a commercial for motorcycles and said he likes motorcycles because they go fast. But he said it funny and Hubby asked if he said monkey-cycles, you know just messing with him. He said, no, he likes "motorcycles: On those the guy drives and the girl rides on the back."

I almost fell out of my chair laughing.

19 months old

Little Cubby you turn 19 months old today.

You are growing and exploring so much.

You like to run after your big brother. You love to climb up on everything.

You like to make silly noises which makes you giggle.

You like to imitate sounds.

You like to climb the stairs up to our apartment.

You love to run to the window when you hear sirens to watch the emergency trucks go by.

You still don’t sleep through the night getting up several times.

You love to smile at everyone. You are very social.

You love to drink your milk. You get really excited when you see me fixing your sippy cup for milk.

You love to dance. You love Jack’s Big Music Show on Noggin. The music mesmerizes you

You like to sit in the box of books and look through your board books.

When you get mad you like to throw yourself on the floor and roll across it.

You can say mama, daddy, bubbee for your big brother, no, wow, uh oh, Charlie(nana’s dog), out, and you say a lot we don’t understand yet.

You are growing leaps and bounds and Mommy, Daddy and your big Brother love you very much.

Visions

It looks like we will be moving at the end of May because we never got around to calling the landlord to see if we could leave a month early from our lease and there is only two weeks left in April and there is no way I can be ready then. In May, Hubby is traveling a lot. Two of the trips are just overnight but the third trip is to Vegas and it is for four days. So when he gets back from that trip I think we are going to move then. So I have to find a place by middle of May.

I am having visions of what it is going to be like when we move. As you know, we are looking to rent a house in the suburbs so we don’t have to deal with anyone above us or below us.

So my vision is this, I see that the boys can be free to run and laugh in a house with no cares. I see a yard for the boys to play in. I see buying a baby pool and a sandbox for the boys to play in. I see us outside every day. I see Hubby and I having our own bedroom and some privacy (we are currently sleeping in our living room). I see less noise outside.

I see this black cloud that has been sitting above us in this apartment for quite some time now lifting. I see being happier and Hubby and the boys happier. I see myself more relaxed which will help everyone in this family. I see a new start, a new beginning. I see some peace within myself.

I have felt stuck in this apartment for quite some time. I have been depressed, tired, withdrawn, angry, and sad. This apartment has felt like a prison and I am ready to say goodbye to it.

I can not wait to move. The end of May can not get here fast enough.

I got my hair did

I went to get my haircut on Saturday and I took this picture I found from the internet.

The picture below is a before and after of my hair. My hair does not look like the picture. The stylist said if I waited a couple of more months I could have donated my hair to Locks of Love. I like the length but I am not to happy with the style. From the front it is bob. I look like a Mom. Yes, I know I am one but this is not a sexy haircut. I guess this is what you get for $13.

Home Opener

Cubs have their home opener today against the St. Louis Cardinals. Let's hope it stops raining.

*photo by my hubby. The statue is Harry Caray.

UPDATE:Cubs beat the Cards!!!!

What was I thinking

OK, I was down to my last diaper and I had to make a run to Target and I had to take the boys.

Why is it every time I take the boys the outing ends up with stress, tears and overspending?

Play Ball

The Cubs play the Reds today in the first game of their regular season!!! Go Cubs!!! Let's hope this is our year!

Note:The picture was taken by my Hubby!

*UPDATE* Cubs won today 16 to 7!!!! Good start!!

At the Park

Boys at the park with Daddy on Saturday.

Play

Big Cubby wanted me to play trains with him this morning. So I sat down on the floor and got out the trains.

I found out the definition of play with Big Cubby is to sit there and watch and listen while he plays with trains. Because I don't play it the right way. Every move I make is the wrong one and he lets me know it. I can not sit and read a book while he plays I have to give all my attention to the train play.

When I get up I hear "Mommy, I thought you were playing with me". I can not win.

My WTF moments

This woman is an idiot.

Why create this.

This is horrible. How can someone do this. (NOTE: This story is disturbing so I caution readers)

Found these stories this morning. I just have to say WTF?

It's been awhile

Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. I have been busy helping Hubby. He has a lot of travel coming up for his job which is new to us. Yesterday he was supposed to fly out for business but his flight got cancelled. It was a good thing for me because the boys were whiny and misbehaving.

He has one trip in April and several in May. The are not too bad because they are usually just overnight. One trip in May will be four days long. I don't know if I will survive it.

So we are going to be very busy soon with looking for a place, packing and moving all around the business travel.

Good news and I hope I don't jinx it, Little Cubby is only getting up three times a night instead of 5 or 7 times. Also Hubby has been getting up with him and taking him on the couch to let him fall asleep on Hubby's chest. Hubby goes and lays him down and he sleeps until morning. I am getting a little more sleep so that is good.

I have started exercising and have done two days in a row. I am alternating days with The Biggest Loser DVD and yoga. I noticed that I have been out of breath when I use are stairs and Hubby took my photo where I was bending over and my shirt was up a little and I saw my gut and this upset me. I used to be in great shape. I was a runner and a gym rat. That was before children. Now I don't like running and I have no time to get to the gym. So I am using DVD's while Little Cubby naps and Big Cubby is playing games on the computer. I am really sore right now. I know that exercise with help with my energy level but just getting started is hard.

Let's see anything else to bore you with today. I guess that is it for now. Big Cubby wants me to help him with his letters.

The search begins

I have started searching the classifieds for places to rent. I will not live in an apartment again so I am looking at houses and townhomes. You may ask aren't townhomes like apartments? Well, they are made now so you don't hear the person next door.

My concern really is I don't want to hear people above us and I don't want to disturb people below us. I want a place where I can finally get Little Cubby to sleep.

The search is a pain. We haven't gone and looked at anything yet I just have been getting a feel for different suburbs and looking at school districts. I am looking at prices and trying to figure out what we can afford.

I am not looking forward to actually spending weekends looking at places and driving all over.

One thing for sure is that I can't wait until we move out of here.

Cops 2

Last night around midnight when I came out of Little Cubby's room after I got him back to sleep I saw flashing lights outside. So I go to the window and see three police cars and they have a person up against one of them frisking them. I see a car the police are searching. The person was a female because they had female cops doing the frisking. WTF! What is the deal that they needed three police cars. May can not get here fast enough.

Politicians beware

If one more person or recording calls me today I am going to scream obscenities and hang up the phone.

Today is Illinois primary and I am getting calls to vote for everybody. VERY annoying.

Visit from Nana and Papa

We had a long, fun and exhausting weekend. My in-laws came to visit.

Friday, Hubby took Little Cubby to his 18 month doctor’s appointment. The doctor was a little concerned with his weight which I don’t know why because he gained three pounds in three months and his length is normal. He said that he still has a little of his soft spot open but by two it should close. He wants us to take him to get some blood work done. We will do that this Saturday. I hate that. I think Little Cubby is very healthy. The doctor is overly cautious.

That afternoon we headed to the suburbs to Hubby’s grandparents house because my in-laws came into town.

Saturday my in-laws came over to play with the boys. We had a nice visit. We went out to eat and then they headed back out to the suburbs. My in-laws loved hanging out with the boys. We don’t see them enough.

Sunday we went back out to the suburbs to have lunch and see my in-laws before they left to head home. Hubby’s grandparent’s house is very small and we had 10 people in the living room. It gets stuffy in there. My in-laws brought their dog Charlie with them. Little Cubby was looking for him over a baby gate and he said Charlie clear as day. My mother-in-law and I looked at each other and I think he just said Charlie. We got him to do it again and the rest of the day he kept saying it. Hubby got him to say cheese also. This kid can say all of that and Daddy but he won’t say Mommy or Mama. We were very excited he learned new words.

Little Cubby is still not sleeping through the night and the doctor said we should start teaching him to put himself back to sleep meaning to let him cry it out a bit. He has no problem going to sleep when we put him down for the first time at night it is after a couple of hours he wakes up and won’t go back to sleep. We tried the doctor’s advice on Friday night and the whole process took an hour of him crying and us going in there to soothe him. Finally I told Hubby to see if he will sleep on his chest then he could put Little Cubby back in the crib. Little Cubby fell asleep on Hubby and he put him back into his crib where he slept until 4am and then I was able to get him back to sleep by nursing him. I am so tired of nursing him back to sleep. What to do I don’t know. The next two nights I do what I always do and is when he wakes up I go in and nurse him back to sleep. This happens about 3 to 5 times a night. I am so tired I want to cry.

Well, that is about it of the exciting weekend. Today is laundry which I hate and getting Little Cubby back on some kind of schedule.

thanks everyone

I was having trouble with blogger and I posted the test but could not see it. I can see it now so I will be posting about the weekend later. Got a lot to say and so little time.

test

I can't see my blog can anyone else?

Is three a crowd?

Hubby and I have started discussing about whether or not to have a third child. In our younger days, we wanted to have three kids. Now, I am not sure. Part of me wants one and part of me doesn't.

We talked about the fact we are up with Little Cubby, who sleeps like a newborn up every few hours, that we might as well because we are up anyway.

Trying for a third would not be because we don't have a girl. Actually I hope the third would be a boy.

I am not getting any younger and I feel a decision should be made soon.

I am wondering what you guys think out there.

18 months

Little Cubby you turn 18 months old today.

You are getting so big. You have the cutest personality. You like to make goofy faces to see what reaction you get from us.

You like to babble all the time. You have a few words that we can understand the big one is No. You say no to everything even when you mean yes.

You love to be around people. When we go out you smile at everyone. You love to flirt.

You are very active. You climb everything. When you fall off something that doesn’t stop you from climbing back up. You are a determined little boy.

When you get mad, you throw yourself to the ground and bang you head on the floor, then you roll around. I think this is pretty funny because it doesn’t work with me.

You are very excited about life. You like to run and squeal back and forth in the living room. You love to be tickled.

You love music. You dance every chance you get. You shift back and forth on your legs going side to side. You twirl around. You love the Wiggle’s, Elmo, and oh did I mention the Wiggle’s.

You still are not sleeping through the night. In fact you have decided that playing in the middle of the night is the coolest. You like to bring your legs up and slam the down in your crib. You also like kicking the side of the crib.

You are not afraid of thunderstorms. You like watching the rain.

You are starting to defend yourself against your brother. I think you are stronger than your brother.

You are our little sunshine and you make us laugh. We love you very much.

Straight out of Cops

Last night around 10pm we heard a loud crash outside our apartment. As we jumped up to look out the window, we heard shouting and saw three people running. Two of the people were undercover police officers and they were yelling and chasing someone. It was something out of the TV show Cops.

Basically, the cops were chasing someone and the car they were chasing hit another car at the four way stop in front of our apartment. Luckily no one was hurt. There were about 7 police cars that showed up and a fire truck. A few police cars raced off down some alleys. The cops that were running came back with someone in handcuffs. It looked like a female.

Meanwhile the fire department cleaned up the road. The police took all the info on the car that was hit and searched the car that was being chased.

We have seen more gang graffiti in our neighborhood and a lot more police presence. We hear a lot of sirens. We have seen a few prostitutes working in the neighborhood along with suspicious activity that looks like someone buying drugs from their car.

This makes me nervous. I am so ready to move from this neighborhood.

End of this road

We got an answer from Hubby's employer about him working from Southern Illinois. Basically they came to him with this, if he wanted to work in SI then he would only get $20,000 a year and no insurance or he can be promoted to editorial director and get a decent raise. He took the promotion because he doesn't have any job prospects.

We decided that being honest with this company is fruitless and they don't deserve it. So, Hubby is starting to look for a job in St. Louis(which is two hours away from family). So if he doesn't find a job by May then we are going to move to the suburbs for a year. Our lease is up in May and we are not staying in this apartment any longer.

So, we haven't given up on moving to SI yet it may not happen this May but next. We will be looking for a suburb to move to. We hope to rent a house or townhome so we can have more privacy.

It has been hard to write this post because there are so many things running through my head it is hard to explain. I hope this makes sense because I feel like I am rambling.

We have spirit

You can't keep a Saluki down. GO SIU!!!!!!!!!

UGH

Did anyone else have trouble with Blogger yesterday? I could not see my page all day. I am thinking of moving but I need advice. What is out there and how can I get my own page? Anyone? Anyone?

Weekend Round up

The weekend was pretty busy for us. On Saturday was Hubby's 34th birthday. He got to spend the morning playing with the boys while I went and ran errands which included grocery shopping and getting Hubby's presents. We then went to have an early dinner at Chili's restaurant. It was funny we go seated in a section with a lot of babies and there were these two women who saw another couple seated by them with kids and they looked disgusted. I laughed because every parent knows when you take your kids out to eat you go where it is loud. Chili's is loud. If the ladies were digusted then they should have chosen to eat later in the evening. We were there around 4pm and the other family's had the same idea to eat early.

Sunday I started a spring cleaning project that is going to last a few more weekends. We started in Big Cubby's room. I got all of his toys in order and then went through them and got rid of a few things. We cleaned out the closet in his room which is storage for us. Everything is in a box and stored away. I cleaned up Little Cubby's room, did the laundry, and cleaned the kitchen.

We got about an inch of snow yesterday. It was pretty while it fell but it will be melted by tomorrow. I am ready for some warm weather!

I watched the majority of the Oscars. I thought Jon Stewart was great. He is so funny. Overall, I guess the show was ok. I have to admit I hadn't seen any of the movies nominated. We don't get to the theater very often. I do have one thing I thought was annoying. The way the head guy for the Academy kept going on how DVD's were bad. Dude, the majority of America has kids plus don't want to spend $10 for one movie not including the popcorn. This is my situation. I think the movies for best picture really did not have special effects so that would be the only reason I would go if I wanted to see special effects on a big screen.

We are back to Little Cubby getting up at least 5 times a night again. There is no sleep in this place for me. Last night it was bad and don't know why he was up a lot. Hubby and I almost went to blows last night about it. That is what a lack of sleep will do to you.

SIU won the MVC Championship this weekend!!! Going to the big dance!!! I graduated from SIU!

I hope everyone had a good weekend.

Doors close for the very last time

Yesterday Berghoff restaurant closed its doors for the very last time. Here is a news story on it. This restaurant has been in Chicago over 100 years owned by the same family. This is a sad day for Chicago.

This place has a special place in our hearts. We ate there on our honeymoon. Here is the story.

When Hubby and I got married my father was supposed to pay for our honeymoon. He had offered so we decided to head to New Orleans after the ceremony. Well, our wedding had too much drama. My father did not like he was sitting(my parents our divorced) and he felt like he was treated badly so he stormed out of the rehearsal. I did not think he was going to show up the next day for the wedding.

Wedding day he did show up and he was distant. I was wrapped up in everything else to really worry about what was going on with him. So after the wedding we had a small reception with cake and punch. (We were poor and Hubby and I paid a lot of it ourselves. so it was small).

After we did the cake cutting, garter and bouquet toss we mingled awhile . My dad comes to me and tells me he is leaving. It was been about 30 minutes into the reception. So he leaves with my stepmom. When it is time to leave for us we go down and change because we were driving down to New Orleans from there.

Quick story: We were just going to drive down there with no hotel reservations, no idea of how to get down there nothing. We were young. Also my dad did not like the choice of the honeymoon.

As I am getting changed, my mom has all the cards and is going through them to find my dad's. When he left he did not give us the money for our honeymoon yet so I assumed he put it in a card. There was no card. There was no money for the honeymoon. Panic set in. So we decided to take open up all the cards and take what all the cash on hand and we headed up to Chicago.

So one day on our honeymoon we were walking around and we were looking for a place to eat dinner. It was cold and snow on the ground we did not want to go far so we stopped by newspaper vendor and asked him to recommend a restaurant. He said the only place to go is Berghoff so we went. It was beautiful, the food was great, and it was reasonable price.
We had a great time there.

Now it has closed it's doors for good. Hubby and I will always have a great memory shared there. What a great loss for Chicago.

Roller Coaster

Sorry it has been awhile since I have posted anything. We have been dealing with a lot of unknown lately and we are trying to get our heads around it.

You might remember about a month ago I mentioned that my Hubby went to his bosses with a proposition for working down in Southern Illinois and they really did not go for it. Well, this is where it is going to get confusing. When Hubby went to his bosses they mistook his suggestion as he was moving in May with or without this job. Whoa, not what Hubby said. The bosses said they were trying to work on something for him.

Then they come back with he would still be editor and would have full salary. Then they come back with he will still be editor but with half a pay cut and will have to come up to Chicago every month for a week. They tell him if he stays here then he can keep his full salary. Nothing has been finally yet. They haven't officially given him an offer. He is hearing a lot of this as heresay.

Right now he is by himself on the publication he works for. They have just hired a person who starts next week and are offering a person a positon this week. So now there will be three people on staff.

We have gone back and forth on this weighing the pros and cons. Basically the reason why we want to move down there is because we feel we need to be around family for awhile. The boys are little and need to have interaction with grandparents.

A big con would be I will have to get a part time job for awhile. Sadly, the only thing I will be able to get is a mall job. Not a whole lot of jobs down there. I am willing to do this while Hubby works on getting his freelance business up and running that he will be doing as well as his job now. Hopefully this help in the long run. We are going to have to cut a lot of stuff we do and I told Hubby I would give up cable tv for awhile (GULP). This is big especially since the Cubs season starts in April and I watch all the games. I am willing to sacrifice.

We have until May to figure out what is going on. I am a little nervous about the future since we have no idea if Hubby will have a job or not.

We have been discussing is this worth it or a mistake. Only time will tell. So we don't know anymore then we did a month ago.

Hubby did get a phone interview with a company in St. Louis, MO. It went well and the guy called him again for a short interview. We will see.

I am sure you are confused right now and that is how I feel. So, up and down we go and I hate roller coasters. I am trying not to stress about this and trying to hold on to my faith that we will be taken care of.

I was tagged

This came from Sleepingmommy.

Junque Drawer Jumble:

If you have a junque drawer in your house, please go to it now. Open it and remove the first 5 items. Whatcha got?

1. Batteries

2. Child paint smock

3. hammer

4. highlighters

5. Packing tape

My first overnight

I survived my first overnight away from my boys. I had a relaxing time.

Saturday morning I got all the grocery shopping done and came home got my bag all packed. I went to eat at Noodles & Company which was really good. Then I headed over to Barnes & Noble to look around. I don't get this chance very often to browse the books. I grabbed a coffee and headed over to the hotel to check in.

I get there and I am put in a room in the holidome. This is good and bad. Good being a female all by herself and having the front desk not that far but bad because the pool was near by.

My luck would have it there was a birthday party at the pool for a bunch of kids. There were tables by my room and people sat out there drinking. I checked in around 5pm. I had a king bed all to myself. I took a shower and got into some comfy clothes. I laid on the bed and got all the stuff I wanted to read out. I turned on the tv and SIU basketball was on ESPN2 which was awesome. I got through a couple of magazines and decided to flip through the channels on the tv. Meanwhile kids are really loud outside the room.

By 10:30pm the pool had closed and the noise had quieted down. I feel asleep and I woke up once because I think my body is used to waking up a lot during the night but I went right back to sleep. I woke up in the morning at 7am but just laid in the dark until 8am. I got up and went to breakfast at the restaurant next to the hotel that has awesome pancakes. Went back to the room and just relaxed until about 10am then went to check out.

I really did feel rested. I could have used one more night but I take what I can get. Hubby did not have the best night. Big Cubby was really amped up and wasn't listening very well. Little Cubby was up all night he was upset I wasn't there so he punished Hubby. The neighbors were loud upstairs that Hubby started to get his shoes to head up there when they got quiet. He looked exhausted when I got home. I brought him a venti Latte from Starbucks because I knew he was going to need it.

I was a great experience and I know it helped me out a lot. We can't afford this all the time but if we move closer to family Hubby and I just might get to have time to be together all by ourselves. I felt that in away it was a waste of a room because Hubby was not there to enjoy it if you know what I mean;)

I appreciated the time apart from the boys and I hope they did too even though they are too little to understand.

The time was well spent!

13 Years

Today Hubby and I celebrate 13 years of marriage. He is a great husband, my best friend, and a wonderful father. We have been through our ups and downs but our love keeps getting stronger every year.

We met 17 years ago and it seems like yesterday. We came to Chicago on our honeymoon. He is the man I want to renew my vows with in Vegas by a Elvis impersonator.

I love you Honey!

Johari Window

I am afraid to do this but I am going to so please participate! Also I will write in another post later about my night away. Very interesting.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=cubmommy

My First Time

It has been 5 nights now that I haven't gotten a good nights sleep. I am on the verge of a breakdown.

Hubby suggested as his anniversary gift to me I should get a hotel room for a night so I can get a good nights sleep.

Guess what? I just booked a room. This is a big step for me. I am can never do anything for myself. I feel guilty about it. I decided for everyone's benefit I should do this so I am. I have never spent a night away from my babies. This is going to be hard. I am going to spend Saturday night away from home.

I am excited and scared about this. I have a plan that involves having a nice meal, going for coffee and browsing books at a bookstore then heading back to read and relax. Going to bed early and sleeping in I hope.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I will update Sunday.

My guilty pleasure

I have to admit my guilty pleasure because the other day Big Cubby said the cutest thing involving my guilty pleasure.

I have become hooked on Dancing with the Stars. I did not watch last seasons and I did not think I would be interested in seeing "stars" make fools out of themselves. I am a fan now. My favorite is Drew Lachey. I hope he wins. Another secret I would love to take dance lessons and learn ballroom, latin and swing.

OK, so now to what Big Cubby said.

Big Cubby: Hey Mommy let's play Dancing with the Stars.

Me: Ok how do we play that?

Big Cubby: Mommy you are a star and you can dance and I will play the music. I will play the drums.

I had to laugh it was too cute.

Sleep, Where are you?

Most of you know about our sleeping problems with Little Cubby. For awhile he was doing pretty good only getting up two times a night but know he has decided that sleep is not important at night.

For a month now the apartment above us has been empty and that has been great because no one has been waking up Little Cubby. Last week someone moved in upstairs. This people find it easier to move their stuff in starting at 8pm and go through 12am all the while marching like elephants every night last week. Well, this wakes up Little Cubby around 9pm. He goes to bed at 8pm.

The last three nights have been hell. Little Cubby is waking up starting at 9:30pm, then 11pm and then 1am. At this time he stays awake and plays really loudly for a couple of hours in his crib. He then wakes up around 6am and then awakes and gets up for the day after 8am.

Big Cubby has been getting up at least once a night coming into the living room and sleeping on the couch. He also has been caught sneaky around. He can not be trusted because of some recent events lately. Our bed is in our living room. I think I explained this before. So I hear Big Cubby come in to the living room and it wakes me up.

The new neighbors are extremely loud. One night it sounded like they were playing some game and were running back and forth. They are childless adults but they sound like children. They are all ready pissing me off.

So the point of this post is I haven't slept very well for three days now. I am exhausted and I can't take anymore. I need your help. I don't know what to do about Little Cubby sleeping habits. I don't know if we should move back into the room with him or move him in with his brother. Little Cubby takes an afternoon nap around 12:30 to 1 and gets up at 3pm. I try to wear him out in the afternoon. Crying out really is not an option because you can hear everything in these apartments and I don't want to punish the people below or next to us. I need sleep. I am becoming depressed. Hubby has been up all night also then he goes to work. I am on the verge of tears.

My poor Hubby there is no sex in this house. If we even think about it Little Cubby wakes up. We are also so exhausted I have no energy to satisfy.

HELP!!!! Any ideas what I can do to get Little Cubby to sleep through the night?

17 months old

Little Cubby you are 17 months old today. You have such a personality. You are doing some cute and funny things right now. You are getting bigger everyday.

You love to talk in your own language. Boy you talk a lot. You look at us like we are supposed to know what you are talking about. You can only say a few words like daddy, wow, uh oh, no, wa wa, yes. You can imitate sounds.

You can point when you want down. You point to your mouth when you want to eat. You can raise your hands when you want up.

When you get angry you let us know about it.

You love to dance especially when the Wiggles come on. You bob your head when a song with a good beat comes on. You like playing with your little boom box. You push the button for music and then dance.

You like to push your toy cars around the floor or on the window sill.

You love playing chase with your brother. You love to wrestle with your brother and get tickled.

You eat more of a variety of food then your brother.

You love people. When we go out you just smile at everyone you see.

You love to give hugs. You will put your arms around my neck and just squeeze and laugh.

You take only one nap a day now. You still wake up a couple times at night. More than your momma wishes. You are still nurse in the middle of the night. That is the only way to get you to go back to sleep.

You like to look out the window and watch the cars go by. You get excited to see the fire trucks go by.

You give this really cute looks that makes us laugh.

You love to sit on my lap and cuddle especially after you get up from your nap. You usually sit on my lap for hour after you get up.

You like to be held by me and not your daddy. You are a momma’s boy.

You really bring joy to our lives and we love you very much!

Things about me that are not interesting

I've been tagged... (lammyannlife)

Four Jobs You Have Had in Your Life:(I have had many jobs in college to many to name.)
1. Assistant Manager at McDonald’s in college
2. Sales Assistant at Fire Chief Magazine in Chicago
3. Student Worker in Information Technoloy at SIU
4. A temp at Driehaus Capital Management in Chicago

Four Movies You Watch Over and Over
1. Dirty Dancing
2. Dazed and Confused
3. So I Married an Ax Murderer
4. Independence Day

Four Places You've Lived
1. Carbondale, IL
2. Herrin, IL
3. Freeport, IL
4. Chicago, IL

Four TV shows you love to watch
1. CSI
2. Survivor
3. Amazing Race
4. Las Vegas

Four Websites you visit daily
1. all my blog buddies
2. Dlisted
3. Flickr
4. TVgasm

Four of Your Favorite Foods
1. Pizza
2.Chicken and Dumplings
3. Powdered Doughnuts
4 Chocolate Chip ice cream

Four Places You'd rather be right now
1. Hawaii
2. in a quiet room
3. something seaside(I guess that would be Hawaii)
4. somewhere tropical(Again I guess that would be Hawaii)

Doh!

You don't realize what you would do to protect your child until it happens. Yesterday was one of those days.

We live on the second for of our building. I was heading downstairs while holding Little Cubby and when I got down to the second to the last step I completely missed it and fell down catching my foot in a weird position. I did not catch myself I had both arms around Little Cubby. Thank goodness he was ok. My foot on the other hand not so good.

I did not break my foot or at least I don't think so. It really did not swell up too much. It does however hurt to walk on it. I think I strained it. Last night it throbbed a little but by morning it was ok just sore. Today I can walk on it better I have to be careful how I turn my foot.

I am such a dork. I can not believe I missed that step.

I ain't saying she's a gold digger

I like a few new things but most the stuff that was nominated for the Grammy's I am like who are you. First, I watched the opening act because I like the band Gorillaz and the song they sing Feel Good, Inc. They opened with Madonna. It was ok. It really more about Madonna then anything else.

I flipped the Grammy's back on after I watched a few shows and caught the Sly and the Family Stone tribute. What has happened to Sly? This and this shows he looks messed up. He came on for about 2 minutes played then left the stage before the performance was over. Weird.

I really like the song Gold Digger from Kanye West. I can't help it.

Did not watch the whole show. Went to bed early.

I spy with my little eye

I had to the pleasure of waking up this morning with a huge zit right by my upper lip so now it is swollen and looks like I was punched in the mouth. Lovely!

What else is new. Oh, still unsure what is going on with Hubby's work. The keep leaking information to him about his request still working for the company but moving to southern Illinois. Evidently this is still an option. We thought they decided no. But again they really never said one way or another. He might have to take a pay cut. I am not happy about this but with most of our debt paid off we might be able to manage the move.

Everybody has heard of this by now. So here is my two cents worth. If she feared for her life then what is her bodyguard for? He could have stood in front of her while she buckled her child in and then they could have left. If she really felt threatened then she could have called the police. Never is it a choice to drive with your baby on your lap.

Ok, what else can I talk about.

What makes a person wake up one morning and decide you know I think I am going to try out for American Idol. Have you seen the people trying out? Why humiliate yourself? You know I think I sound good in the car singing 80's tunes but I know I can't sing a key to save my life. What makes these people think they can? Just wondering.

I guess that is about it. Seacrest out!

Need your vote

Hubby posted a few pics in hope that one will be picked for Jones soda bottle. Here are the links to our photos. Please vote and please vote 10!!!!

I know I am shamelessly using my blog to get more votes.

http://www.jonessoda.com/gallery/view.php?ID=0000552775
http://www.jonessoda.com/gallery/view.php?ID=0000552774
http://www.jonessoda.com/gallery/view.php?ID=0000552776
http://www.jonessoda.com/gallery/view.php?ID=0000552777

Thank you for your support!!!

Time flys by

Wow, did not realize that I hadn't posted anything since Tuesday. I have been going through some stuff the last few days with Hubby. Basically no word on any job leads yet and no word on the proposition he gave his employer. So the depression has set back in for Hubby and I have been dealing with that. I told him if he needed meds then lets go get them. It has been pretty miserable around here the last few days.

Everything is fine with Big Cubby. He gave me quite a scare with the knife thing but I don't think he knew that it can hurt people. He just knew he was not supposed to have it. He got into a lot things he wasn't supposed to have like the flashlight, batteries and screwdrivers. He thought he was Bob the Builder and tried to put batteries into some of his toys.

Little Cubby is still not sleeping through the night. He was for a few weeks only waking up once at night but now we are back to three or four times and periods of him talking and playing in his crib at 2am.

I hope everyone has a good weekend. I am going to try to regroup this weekend and hopefully have some happier post next week.

OK everyone breathe with me

If I can survive the next hour and a half then that will be a victory. Today the boys have gotten on my last nerve.

Big Cubby has done everything he can possible do to drive me crazy. I found the biggest knife we have under his bed today and when I asked him what he is doing he showed me the rips he made on his comforter. He has bugged and hit his brother a lot today which then makes Little Cubby needy.(more on him in a minute) He pulled a curtain down in his room. He poured a bucket of water out of the tub on to the floor. Caught him with a marker that is permanent. He has not listened to anything I told him to do today. Has fought me on everything. Hubby caught him in the middle of the night last night with my purse in his room and he said he was looking for gum. He isn't even allowed to have gum.

Little Cubby woke up to early today so he was crabby all morning. This means we wants to sit on my lap all day and be whiny. Nap time couldn't have come soon enough for him today. I think he has a tooth coming in so he has been up a lot at night.

UGH!!!!! Bedtime is at 8 and I can not wait until it gets here. I hope to keep a few hairs on my head.

Little Cubby woke up to

weekend

Not much to write about today. The weekend was pretty boring. I did hop on the El and went downtown to the library. I try to do this every couple of weeks. It is a nice break. Saturday I did this and started at the library first. Then I went over to Barnes and Noble to pick up a couple of magazines then I headed across the street to Chiptole for lunch. After lunch I went to Garrett Popcorn Shop and bought a bag of caramel corn popcorn. That stuff is the BEST!

We did have a student who lives down stair come up and watch both our boys play for a school assignment. She is in college with a major in Child Development. I am actually glad she came because she got see how the boys make all the noises I am sure she hears. She was really nice and it helped that Big Cubby got to meet her because now he knows he has to be quiet certain times of the day because J is downstairs. Her room is below Big Cubby's.

That is about it I hope everyone had a nice weekend!

Update

Well, we are still in the dark about what we are going to do. Hubby has tried two things to see if we could possibly move to Southern Illinois.

He applied for a job that would allow him to work from anywhere and he knows someone that works there who gave him some discouraging news that the position maybe part-time with no health insurance. The guy is supposed to get back to him at the end of this week but it does not look promising.

The second thing Hubby did was go to the company he works for now and proposed an idea that would allow him to work from SI. His bosses did not get what he was trying to do because they are idiots(long story on why they are) so he thinks that is out.

He has started applying for a few jobs that have been posted here so we maybe staying.

The one thing we do agree on is that he needs to get out of the company he works for now. It is not a great place to work. The job turnover rate is high. They don't pay well and expect a lot. Then if they don't like something they berate you.

Hubby is depressed again. We have been trying to revive our faith and it has been hard for Hubby to do.

So a lot of fun here at the Cub home. The future is still hazy which I hate because I am a planner and I like to know where we will be so I can plan it out.

I am going to fall back on my faith and pray that everything will fall in to place soon.

Pretty accurate

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

Annoying song

Do you know the song by the Pussycat Dolls "Don't Cha"? Well, it is this annoying song that has the line "Don't Cha wish you girlfriend was hot like me"

Big Cubby heard this song and now goes around saying "hot like me" I can't help but laugh when he does this.

meme

The first one made me laugh out loud.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Crystal!

1. Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using Crystal!
2. Only one child in twenty will be born on the day predicted by Crystal!
3. Early thermometers were filled with Crystal instead of mercury!
4. If you lick Crystal ten times, you will consume one calorie!
5. Crystal was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom her name comes!
6. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but Crystal can not.
7. Crystal is physically incapable of sticking her tongue out.
8. The moon is 400 times closer to the Earth than Crystal, and 400 times smaller!
9. Crystal is incapable of sleep.
10. Four-fifths of the surface of Crystal is covered in water.

The link did not work so here is the address for the meme.

What will the future hold

We had a decent weekend. We didn't as much snow as I thought only about 2 inches. Ran errands and did laundry. What excitement!

I wrote just recently that Hubby has been depressed about work. Well, it has gotten worse at his job and Friday he had a big blow out with one of his bosses. It seems that he cares more about the publication he works for then everybody else. They only care about money made from ad sales. This one person who has no idea what is going with their publication called the issues crap. Well, everybody else in the industry have said they are great. They love the photos on the covers, which Hubby took himself.

This person is know for stabbing people in the back to get ahead. She is not a very nice person. Hubby has worked for this company for seven years and this person has only worked for the company three years. He is tired of not being respected. He has finally decided to see what is out there and is applying to some places.

There is a possiblity that he can get this job working from home which means we can live where ever we want and we have been talking about moving back to Southern Illinois. Our family is there. I have good and bad feelings about this but in the end it might be best for our family.

So our future is up in the air right now and we have a lot on our minds.

Have you ever made a sacrifice for your family even though it is something you don't want to do but need to do? How have you dealt with your decision?

Friday Fun

Your Stipper Song Is

I'm" a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears "I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it." You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

What Song Should You Strip To?

Read to Rumble

I am in the middle of a war of the wills. For the past few days has been a struggle between Big Cubby and myself.

I have to admit that I have not follow through with some of my punishments and have given two many chances to Big Cubby. He does not listen to me when I tell him to do things. He will listen to his Father though. This was not working for us so I have decided to follow through with my threats. Now I am known as the Mean Mommy.

I am tired of this kid not respecting me and not doing as I say. It has been a battle of the wills. This kid is just like me and he is stubborn.

Yesterday he would not get dressed so I took away his TV time. I took away movie time in the afternoon because he would not pick up his trains. When Hubby came home he got him to pick up. Today it has started all over again. I told him to pick up his trains he dumped out this morning before he watched his shows. He said no. So no TV time. He is in his room sitting there. This kid will scream and throw things. He will try to hit me. He told me yesterday he was going to cut me. Where did he learn this? I am trying to be calm and consistent but it is really hard.

UGH!!!!!!!! We are too much alike it is like butting heads. He is so defiant. I don't know if I am doing any of this right. I am exhausted and tapped out. This is going to be a long day I can tell you.

Golden Globes

Ok, last night I actually sat and watched all of the Golden Globe show. I don't normally watch award shows but nothing was on and Hubby went to bed early.

I am so out of the loop here. In the movie categories I had only seen one movie and that was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Here is the kicker, I probably won't watch any of them now. The TV side I do watch quite a bit so I knew what some of the shows were about.

Now the celebs. First, Scarlett Johansson's dress. This is the side view. My husband watched the pre show with me and he about feel out of his chair when he saw her. Does she have to rub our face in the fact she is young and has perky boobs?

There were a lot of great dresses and not so great. I don't have the time to go through them all but I want to say that Evangeline Lilly is a beautiful woman. She just possesses a natural beauty. I don't watch Lost.

I really don't care how the celebs kiss up to each other. This is probably why I don't watch award shows. I won't be watching the Oscars.

16 months old

Little Cubby you are 16 months old today. You are really hitting a developmental stride right now. More and more each day your little personality keeps coming out.

You love to run after your brother and play chase. When you get excited you squeal at the top of your lungs and spin around in a circle with your arms spread out.

You like to hide behind me and you laugh when I try to turn around to see you. This is one of your favorite games.

You are only saying a few words like daddy and wow. You can say mama but you don’t very often. You really like to just point and screech at what you want. You understand what we are saying though.

You still like most kinds of food. Just last night you ate all of your green beans. Something your brother will not touch. You really like to eat.

You still love to be held. You would be very content to just sit on my lap all day. If I am sitting on the floor you like to walk backwards and then sit down on my lap. You love to be cuddled. I love it when you put your little arms around my neck and give me a hug.

You are very active right now. You love to climb on everything. You can climb up onto the couch. You like to stand on the arm of the couch. You can climb on the chair by the computer. You even like to climb onto my back. You are a handful right now. You love to pull out all the toys just because you can. You don’t really play with them.

When you get tired you like to lie on the floor and just relax. It is like you are just waiting to get more energy.

You still use your pacifier. You are obsessed with the thing. You have to have one near you at all times if not two. This is a habit mommy is not looking forward to breaking with you. You are very strong willed.

You are getting a little better at sleeping at night. You still wake up once or twice. You still want to be nursed then and you go back to sleep. Another thing mommy wants to wean you off of.

You love to flirt with people. Every time we go out you love to smile at every one you see.

You love to watch your brother. I am afraid you are learning some bad habits he has but you don’t care you think he is funny.

You love to run to the door when your daddy gets home from work waving your hands and yelling daddy and dada. You get very excited to see him. You however don’t like it when mommy leaves. You get very upset and start crying.

You love to dance. Whenever any music comes on you sway back and forth to it. You really like the Wiggles music. You clap your hands even to commercials. You are so cute when you do this.

I can’t believe my baby is growing every day and learning new things. I love you and your brother more than anything. Both of you bring such joy into our lives.

I love you!

A peek of sun through the clouds

Last night I finally got Hubby to talk about what is going on with him. There are a lot of things going on with him right now. Work being the big one. There was even something that I have been doing and did not realize it was bothering him.

I told him that we were husband and wife and that we need to communicate with each other. I told him I felt like the nanny or the babysitter not his wife. He really opened up to me. Today he told me that he feels better getting it all out and that even though nothing is really solved he feels good about the future.

Thank you everyone for your advice and for letting me vent this out. It is really personal to me and I was afraid to put it out there. I know that everything is not perfect but we have a starting point and that is talking no matter how it will affect the other person. We just can't hold it in.

We both feel a big relief right now.

New Pictures

If you check out Flickr, Hubby has posted some new photos. We decided we were going to do our own photos after we decided that JCPenny's and Sears really don't do a great job. Hubby took these photos on two separate occasions for our Christmas gift to our family. We had the pics enlarged to 8x10 and 5X7 matte finish. They really looked professional and everybody loved them. The specific pics we used are this, this and this. I love them all.

I'll get by with a little help from my friends

I want to thank everybody for their comments they really mean a lot to me. Right now I am still talking to Hubby about this. Last night he came home from work and seemed more himself.

I think the biggest thing that is causing his depression right now is his job. His company is all about the bottom line and not the product. They don’t even read the products they put out just as long as there are lots of ads in them. A couple of Hubby’s bosses basically said to Hubby’s face trying to joke that he is stuck there and where would he go. There has been a lot of turnover there. This makes Hubby think what the hell is wrong with me and why can’t I find something else. I think he feels stuck because of our debt and we can’t afford for him to just quit or take a pay cut. This is hard on him.

I know it is hard on him because he is the sole money maker in the household. This debt we have will be paid off this year hopefully by summer and that will free up a good chunk of money. I know this will help things.

We will be married 13 years in February and he has never been like this. I will keep everyone updated on how he is doing. I really hope that this is just something he has to work out.

Hugs back to everyone!

All doom and gloom

I don't want this blog to turn into a bitch fest of all bad stuff. I try to balance with good times and bad times. Right now there is a lot of bad times happening. I don't know if I should blog this but I need a release.

All I can say I think my husband is suffering from depression and I don't know what to do. Insurance won't cover visits and we can't afford it. Not like he would go anyway he really won't admit something is wrong. I can't tell if it is just winter blues or more to it.

I don't want to say this but right now I hate him. He won't talk about it. He acts like some fucking martyr. I have told him he has talent in writing and photography and that he should be proud. He lost 27 pounds since October doing diet and exercise. He still wants to lose 30 more. He still doubts himself with this calling him self fat. He can't see how far he has come. He just sucks the life out of the room.

Yesterday he moped all day. We did not say one word to each for 2 hours until I told him to go take a nap in Big Cubby's room. He goes to bed early and then he wants to nap all the time. I ask him if he is feeling ok and he tells me he is just sucking it up.

I just want to cry. The boys sense something is wrong. I know that is job is not really great right now. The company he works for really sucks. The publication he works on had 5 people on the staff now there are 2, my husband and another writer. They are doing the work of 5 to put out the magazine. He is really stressed at work and yet he feels that with a wife and two kids he can't go anywhere that might be good but offer less money.

I don't know, sorry to dump all this out. It has been stored in me for awhile and I was going to explode if I did not get this out.

I was tagged

I was tagged by Angie over at Peas in my Pod. I tried my best to come up with five Weird Habits. I really am pretty boring.

My husband pointed out that whenever there is a weight loss show like The Biggest Loser, I will go get a few powdered donuts and watch the show. I did not realize I did this maybe it is a sign of something.

I tend to talk out loud to myself. I will go through things I need to do out loud to no one in particular.

I tend to be thinking about something and I will move my lips but do cause sound like I am having a conversation.

I am obsessed with checking out my gossip blogs like Dlisted several times a day. Don’t know if that is weird but it wrong.

When I am reading a book I have to find a break or the next chapter for a stopping point. I can not leave at a place where there is no distinction. It drives me crazy.

I am not going to tag anyone but if you are interested please play along.

King Kong Got Nothing On Me

Little Cubby is actually trying to push him off.

I am a kangaroo

Yesterday I spent almost all of my day holding Little Cubby. I don’t think he was feeling to well but not sure what it was. No fever, no coughing, no running nose. I think he just needed some Mommy time.

He laid on me and did not move much. He would get mad when I would hand him off to Hubby because I had to go to the bathroom. It was a long day. He took a nice long nap in the afternoon.

Today he woke up upset. He did not want to eat his breakfast at first. He ate while I held him on my lap. It looked like the day was going to start out like yesterday with me holding him but he has been playing a little bit this morning.

Big Cubby not happy with the situation so he was been in my face basically going don’t forget me. It is hard to juggle giving attention to both boys. I feel like one or the other gets slighted. I try real hard to give them both equal attention but I have to say Little Cubby gets more being smaller and all. Big Cubby then gets mad like this morning he hit Little Cubby with a brush.

The day should be interesting. Is it nap time yet?

Time to relax

I hope everyone had a great evening and are not to hung over! I wish you a very relaxing day!