Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Weekend

It started out nice. Hubby came home Wednesday night and it was great to see him. We went to bed thinking about all the wonderful things we were going to do over the next five days. Thursday morning we woke up and Hubby and Big Cubby were sick. We are talking about fever, coughing and achy muscles. So, that day the boys rested and I ran some quick errands.

Friday rolls around and the boys are not any better. Fever and Big Cubby throws up a popsicle. So, that day I go check out a few stores in my new town.

Saturday, still no progress. Hubby has given Big Cubby to much OJ and he throws it up. In the kitchen sink. In my dish water.

Sunday morning there is hope. The boys seem to be feeling better. We head up to the park just to get some air. We don't stay long and Big Cubby has to be carried back. He was too tired from all the laying around he has been doing for three days. We cook out and that is the extent of the day.

Monday, boys are much better. We go to the park several times and we have a good day.

Hubby returned to work on Tuesday and back to the normal grind.

Today I talked to Hubby at work and he said he wasn't feeling good. Crap! How can we get this sickness out of our house?

Luckily, Little Cubby hasn't gotten it. Knock on wood.

I had planned the zoo but now that will have to wait.

So that is my recap of the holiday weekend. Sounds fun right?

Wait what is that? Do I feel some tingling in my throat? I must go take some Emergen-C quickly.

Everyone keep there fingers crossed that I don't get sick. I just can't.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Run For Your Lives

Bolt your doors.

Lock your windows.

Hide under the bed with a can of Lysol.

The Sickness is HERE!

That's right some sort of flu has hit the Cubby home. Big Cubby and Hubby are both sick. I think Big Cubby picked it up at the park and gave it to Hubby before he left on his trip.

They have a fever. Big Cubby's fever is 102 and has been for two days. His skin is on fire. Today he threw up twice. I think it is because Hubby gave him too much OJ and he hasn't had anything else to eat.

Both are achey and have drainage.

I have been praying that Little Cubby doesn't get it. I have been popping Airborne for two days. Hoping I don't get sick. Drinking white tea also.

So, lock up your children and hide the sickness is out there.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

I survived

Hey everybody sorry about updating but I have been busy entertaining two kids. Hubby left Sunday morning and will be getting back this evening from a trip to a convention in Las Vegas.

That is right I spent 4 days and 3 nights alone with the boys. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I made sure we went to the park twice a day trying to wear them out so they would sleep all night. It worked. The boys slept through the night!

I am so glad Hubby is coming back today. His business trips are usually just overnight so this recent one was a killer. I really miss him and miss talking to him. Nights are the worse because I have trouble falling asleep hearing every little noise.

Hopefully this is the last of business trips for awhile.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Precious Moment

Yesterday afternoon around 5pm or so, I was on the computer when Big Cubby came into the room and told me he was tired and needed a little nap. He climbed onto my lap and snuggled my arm with his eyes close.

I had been listening to the radio because a local station had bootlegged the Pearl Jam concert a few days ago in Chicago and were playing it. By the way it was awesome. The music was pretty loud but Big Cubby fell asleep.

I positioned him so that I was holding him and his head was on my shoulder. I rocked him to the music as he slept. His little face was toward me and I caressed his hair and kissed his cheek.

It flashed me to when he was a baby and the only way I could get him to take a nap was if he slept on me.

It was the most wonderful moment especially because of what yesterday was for me. (read post below) I came to realize he will always be my baby no matter how big he gets.
As I sat there rocking him, I silently cried. I have a beautiful family and I am very lucky.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Day of Remembrance

Today is the 10th anniversary of my father’s death. I can’t believe it has been that long. My dad and I had a rocky relationship all my life but it really did not kick in to being bad until after my parents divorced. It was a bitter divorce. It wasn’t until after I got married in ’93, did we start working on our relationship and started to love each other again. That was cut short.

My dad died of heart failure. He was 48 years old. Here is the story.

My dad got a virus in his heart. The doctor’s think he picked it up while in Vietnam during the war. It did not rear its ugly head until 1982. My dad blacked out one night and was taken to the hospital the doctor’s were not sure what it was they thought it was his lifestyle of drinking beer and smoking so he was told to quit those.

In the early 90’s he had another incident. My mom got a phone call from my dad’s best friend letting us know my dad was in the hospital in St. Louis. Side note: My step-monster step-mom hated us and did not call my sister or me about this. So we headed up to see him and he was doing better. He was told his heart had enlarged and he would need a heart transplant. So he was put on the list of organ donors.

He got better for awhile and then he had another incident. This time my step-mom called me and told us to hurry that they did not know if he was going to make it. We hurried to the hospital where my step-mom was hysterical and telling me to go in the room and talk to my dad and tell him he had to live that he would listen to me. So I am in his room telling him to fight it. Luckily he was stabilized and was doing better. He was taken back to St. Louis where he had is own heart transplant team. They moved him up the list and while he waited they operated on him and put a defibulater internally on his heart. If his heart stopped then it would shock it until it was beating again. He lived with this for a while and it did shock him a lot. He said he got used to it.

This whole time he has been moved up and down the transplant list so many times. He never let on how bad he was doing because I think he was afraid of the transplant and all the medicine he would have to take. Also not knowing how long he would live with a new heart.

On May 19, 1996, my sister was going to my dad’s house to pick up the list of people she would be inviting to her wedding that July. When she got to my dad’s house she knocked on the door and my aunt answered it. Everybody was crying and then she was told our dad had died.

My dad went to church and was leaving the service early to meet my sister at his house. He got in his car and wasn’t a block from the church when his heart stopped. The defibulater failed to work. He wrecked his car which wasn’t bad just a fender bender. He was rushed to the hospital and was declared dead.

We would not have known if my sister hadn’t been on the way to his house. She called my mom and my mom called me. My dad’s side of the family are very bitter and hateful people. You see they only heard one side of the story about the relationship my father and I had and they thought we were ungrateful kids. What they did not realize is that everybody was at fault. That we were working on patching it up. The funeral was horrible. We were not asked to go in on flowers and the only flowers that had Dad on them had a card from my step sister. During the visitation, people would come up to me and ask who are you? Um, I am his daughter and they would go oh, I thought he had only one daughter. I then told them that that was is step daughter and that my sister and I were is flesh and blood daughters. We had to drive in the back of the funeral procession. When we got to the cemetery I pushed ahead and made sure my sister and I had a seating in the limited seating area.

My dad was a vet and he had the gun salute. When that happened I lost it and broke down crying. I cried for the loss of my dad, I cried for the loss of our relationship, I cried for my dad never getting to see his grandchildren, I cried I lost my daddy.

I have not seen my dad’s side of the family in 10 years. I send my grandmother a Christmas card but that is it. My step-mom married within a year to one of my dad’s friends and moved to Wyoming.

A few weeks after my dad died I had a dream and it was a very vivid dream. My dad was at the foot of my bed and he told me not to worry that everything was going to be ok. I woke up and he was gone. It felt so real. I felt so much peace. I called my step-mom and told her about it. I don’t think she cared but it really made me feel better. He was telling me that we were ok.

A lesson here is never take anything for granted.

I love you dad and I miss you.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

A decision made

We have made the decision to hold Big Cubby another year before we send him to kindergarten. He is within days of the cut off for kindergarten that we feel he is not ready for it.

We did not want to start his school career off on a bad note and then him hating school the rest of his life. He has a few things to work on just yet.

We are looking for a preschool in the area to send him to in the fall. I want him to be prepared.

We feel good about the decision. We are afraid that teachers will mistake Big Cubby not wanting to sit still with ADHD. I know he doesn't have it and that he is a typical kid. He really hasn't had to sit and pay attention to something other than tv and he can if it is one of his favorite shows.

When did pressure on kindergarteners become so intense? It is like they have to know all this stuff just before they start. Like we have to do the job of the teachers in them knowing writing and phonics. Hello I though phonics was learned in 1st grade. Boy, times have changed and there is such pressure on kids and parents that it is crazy. It makes me sick to my stomach with stress.

I want my son to grow up and not feel pressure to please us. I just want him to enjoy his life.

So the journey begins with finding an affordable preschool that we can get into since we are really late for registration. I have bought a preschool workbook and Hubby will be sitting down with Big Cubby this summer and working with him on it.

I think my stomach will settle once we find a preschool for him.

I want to thank everybody for their encouraging comments. They made me feel really good and not alone. I still will be sad when my baby goes to school but now I know he will be ready to go the next time around.

Monday, May 15, 2006

We have been city folks for too long

Last night when we went to bed around 11pm we heard a noise. It sounded like someone was walking on the roof then jumped down on the roof of the business in front of us. The roof for the business is right next to our windows on the second floor.

Hubby turns to me and asks did you hear that and I said yes. He gets up and looks out the window but doesn't see anything. He heads downstairs to look. Meanwhile, I check on the boys and see if they are ok. They are.

Hubby comes back upstairs and we look out the window again. The neighbors don't see to be out so we don't think it was them. Hubby looks out the window and we see something near the trash can. He opens the window and steps out onto the roof of the business in front of us. He looks over the side and he sees something climbing the house next to us and then hanging on a electric wire. He thinks it is a cat but looks again and it drops to the ground we run to the door that leads outside from upstairs and the motion light comes on.

Running under our van is a raccoon. A freaking raccoon. This thing is loud. He woke up Little Cubby when it jumped from our roof onto the other roof. It kept staring at us and finally took off into the neighbors yard.

We have lived in the city for too long. We thought it was someone walking on the roof trying to break in. Totally freaked us out. Hubby is going to call the city today and report it. Don't want any kids getting bitten by one they are mean.

What a night time adventure.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

20 months


Little Cubby you are 20 months old today.

You have grown so much. You do such the cutest things.

You love to make funny faces. You love to smile really big. You love to be chased especially by your brother.

You eat pretty much any time of food he give you. You are not too picky. You love ice cream.

You are starting to sleep better through the night. You wake up once or twice but go back to sleep pretty quickly. Your daddy has taken on night duty because you seem to accept going back to sleep when he comes into the room You get really upset and want to be held if I come in to reassure you.

With daddy taken over night duty, you are completely weaned from the boob. Now mommy can get a little more sleep.

You can say: I see, get down, poo poo, mama, daddy, ball, wow,sock, shoe, hi, bye at least it sounds like you are saying these things.

You still love your pacy which is going to be a MAJOR deal to wean you from.

You love people. You like to smile and wave at everyone.

You still throw mini fits when you don’t get your way. You will throw yourself down on the floor and roll around. Sometimes you bang you head on the floor to have more drama.

You like to play at the park. You don’t like the baby stuff you go the big kids play area. You can go down the curvy slide. You went down head first on a smaller slide before I could get to you and you just squealed in delight.

You like to climb, though you haven’t figured out how to get out of your crib yet. Knock on wood.

You still like to cuddle with me. You will sit on my lap and rest your head on my chest.

When you see a big truck, train or anything that you think is cool you love to say wow with your eyes really big.

You still like music. You like the Wiggles and Jack’s Big Music Show. You love to dance. You like to play with the Wiggle’s microphone you have over and over again.

You are my little guy and I love you very much!

Friday, May 12, 2006

Control

Today,I went to pick up the packet to register Big Cubby for Kindergarten. Yesterday I made the call to find out where he would be going and got some info. That night I talked with Hubby about it and wondered if this was the right thing for Big Cubby or should be wait another year. I was in tears about it.

Part of me wondered if it was because I am nervous about Big Cubby behavior. Would he sit still and listen? Would I get calls from the school about him being disruptive? The other part of me wondered if it was because for almost 5 years I have been his protector, his everything. Now I will have to give up some control of him to someone else and trust that he will be safe.

I thought when kindergarten came around I would be happy to see him go. That it would give me time with Little Cubby. It would be a relief. Now, I think about the first day of school and it makes me cry.

I took the boys and headed up to the school. I got the packet and signed him up for a pre kindergarten event that will happen on the 25th of this month. Just a one hour get together with fellow soon to be kindergartners and their parents. We meet the principle and then we are on our way. Big Cubby acted shy and would not answer the principles questions. Then we get outside and he starts to throw a fit because he wants to stay and play this happens right outside the window of the office. It is raining and cold and he decides to do this. I try everything except yanking him and finally get him to the van. He refuses to get in. I put Little Cubby in his seat and finally get Big Cubby in the van and in his seat.

We get home and I call Hubby and just start crying. This is what I am talking about. Is Big Cubby ready for kindergarten when he acts like this. Will he behave at school? I have paperwork to fill out this weekend and have to return on Monday. I don’t want to have another episode while we are leaving. I am dreading going back there.

I hate to admit that my baby is growing up. I can’t believe I will be sending him out into the world without me part of the day. I feel like crying now while writing this.

Big Cubby has never been away from me, my husband or family. Someone I have trusted has always been there. This fall I am going to have to give my son to a stranger and trust that he will be ok. This scares me.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

First Blind Date

Tuesday I had my met my very first blogger in person. Manic Mom is super cool and her little Tuker is just adorable. We met up at a park and our boys got to play while we got to know one another.

At first I was really nervous because you just don't know who you are meeting when you meet someone online. I was nervous the boys would act up and that I just might be a boring person. I started to feel a little anxiety and got a little sweaty. I was afraid I would not be interesting. Manic Mom made me feel really relaxed and I had a great time.

I am not really good at meeting new people and I am trying to come out of my shell a little. (still don't like calling people on the phone hence why I haven't called to enroll Big Cubby in kindergarten).

You wonder about people who write on blogs and if they are putting up a persona that want you to know and not who they really are. Manic Mom is the real deal. She is really funny and very sweet.

I look forward to hanging out with her more! Maybe adult beverages are in order.

I would love to meet more bloggers in person. I think of a lot of you guys as my friends. You have made me feel normal and that what I go through with the boys is normal. You have been my support group. I am thankful for of your comments and your advice! Sorry to get sappy that is what happens with one bottle of beer.

Monday, May 08, 2006

Weekend

We spent the weekend driving around our new surroundings. We found the grocery stores, Kohl's (because I love that place), shopping areas, restaurants, and laundery mat.

We bought a vacuum this weekend and the one we wanted we had to drive all over to find. It was a Bissell and really common. We went to four Targets, Home Depot, and Wal-Mart finding it at there in a suburb far away.

I have been taking the boys out to the park each day to run them tired. Little Cubby is getting better with sleeping through the night only waking once or twice. We are getting there. Before long he will sleep all night. Running outside has helped a lot.

I have been so busy that I haven't had time to sit down to read or play on the computer.

Tomorrow I am meeting Manic Mom which is going to be cool. I am a little nervous because I am not around adults very often. I am socially retarded if you know what I mean. I look forward to meeting her!

Got to go so much to do. I will post tomorrow about the great meeting.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Moving

Where do I begin?

Saturday we loaded up our minivan with a load of boxes and headed to our new place to pick up the keys and check it out. We get in and start deciding where everything is going to be. We then headed over to Hubby’s grandparents house to meet up with Hubby’s parents who came up to help us move. They followed us to the new place so they could see it. They loved it. Actually the loved the fact the place looked safe and that I will be able to take the boys outside to the park more often.

Here is a condensed version of the move.

Sunday comes around and we haven’t heard from U-Haul about our truck we reserved. They were supposed to call us on Saturday to tell us where to pick it up. We call and they say they don’t have us in the system even though I printed out the confirmation I received. So we finally find a truck around 11am (been trying since 9am) and it is smaller than we requested. We pack up all the big stuff and got as many boxes in it we could.

Hubby fell down the stairs and hurt is knee, elbow, ankle and ribs. I have bruises all over my legs and my fingers, hands, wrists, and forearms are so sore and stiff I feel like I have arthritis.

It rained all day so it was wet and cold. We get all we can in the truck and we head out. A little side note, I have lived in Chicago 8 years and I have never driven the toll ways because I am afraid of them. I had to drive them on Sunday and luckily it was a Sunday. There were a few moments I thought I was going to lose it but I made it to our place ok. The boys slept the whole time which helped.

We unload which went faster then loading and were done by 6pm. We head over to Hubby’s grandparents house and have dinner. We practically eat and run because we needed to put the boy’s beds together. We decided to drop off the rental truck that night just to get it out of the way. We get done by 9pm and off to bed the go.

Monday, Hubby heads back to the old place and loads up the van. I try to start making sense of the boxes and start unpacking. Tuesday we all go back to the old place and fill up the van for the last time.

The hell was finally over. We had a few broken things and we left behind a few things. I don’t care because now we are done with the old apartment. Now if I could get my mail delivered I will be fine. We put in a change and a stop on mail but on Tuesday at the old place there was mail in our box. I haven’t received any at the new place yet. Little worried about that. Hey that is me I have to have something to worry about.

We are getting settled and I have taken the boys to the park yesterday and today. We have gone for walks and have gone up and watched the trains go by. I have been wound up tight for a long time and while some of that will not go away because that is me, I am feeling a little bit more relaxed.

I think this move will be good for as a family. I hope to have stories of the suburban life soon.

Welcome to the neighborhood

This happened this morning right next to where I live. I saw a helicopter and the trains stopped but did not know what was going on. I heard on the news. Thank goodness I did not take the boys out to see what was going on. Gross.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I'm baaaaack

I got internet hooked up today!! I have missed everybody so much! I have a lot to tell everybody which I will do in a later post. We are moved in and now trying to resume some type of routine. Let's just say the move was hell and I have a lot to talk about.

The boys love the place!