Today,I went to pick up the packet to register Big Cubby for Kindergarten. Yesterday I made the call to find out where he would be going and got some info. That night I talked with Hubby about it and wondered if this was the right thing for Big Cubby or should be wait another year. I was in tears about it.
Part of me wondered if it was because I am nervous about Big Cubby behavior. Would he sit still and listen? Would I get calls from the school about him being disruptive? The other part of me wondered if it was because for almost 5 years I have been his protector, his everything. Now I will have to give up some control of him to someone else and trust that he will be safe.
I thought when kindergarten came around I would be happy to see him go. That it would give me time with Little Cubby. It would be a relief. Now, I think about the first day of school and it makes me cry.
I took the boys and headed up to the school. I got the packet and signed him up for a pre kindergarten event that will happen on the 25th of this month. Just a one hour get together with fellow soon to be kindergartners and their parents. We meet the principle and then we are on our way. Big Cubby acted shy and would not answer the principles questions. Then we get outside and he starts to throw a fit because he wants to stay and play this happens right outside the window of the office. It is raining and cold and he decides to do this. I try everything except yanking him and finally get him to the van. He refuses to get in. I put Little Cubby in his seat and finally get Big Cubby in the van and in his seat.
We get home and I call Hubby and just start crying. This is what I am talking about. Is Big Cubby ready for kindergarten when he acts like this. Will he behave at school? I have paperwork to fill out this weekend and have to return on Monday. I don’t want to have another episode while we are leaving. I am dreading going back there.
I hate to admit that my baby is growing up. I can’t believe I will be sending him out into the world without me part of the day. I feel like crying now while writing this.
Big Cubby has never been away from me, my husband or family. Someone I have trusted has always been there. This fall I am going to have to give my son to a stranger and trust that he will be ok. This scares me.
6 comments:
I feel your emotions -- they are achingly familiar to me, yet, with my two "cubbies" now ages 12 and 8, it's hard to remember them as much smaller boys.....Motherhood is your ticket to a lifetime of happy rites of passage which come inextricably bundled up with heartache and loss and sadness at the passage of time, and our children growing away from us. You will be OK, and what' more, so will your son. If, however, he is at the very young end of the age cut-off, waiting a year (as have many, many friends of mine) is always a smart move.
Try to think of it as an exciting time for Big Cubby, as a rite of passage, then maybe it wont' be so hard?
This is a really sweet post, and to be honest, makes me feel slightly bad, since I am so incredibly thrilled on the three days that my son goes to pre-school. You are such a good mom, crystal!
Cubmommy, It is hard in the beginning, but he will be okay at school. He will become independent but he'll still be YOUR LITTLE BOY, and he'll come home with fun stories about kindergarten and he'll give you great big hugs when he gets home!
He'll always belong to you!
I know just how that feels! The first day Miss K went to daycare I spent the whole day on the verge of vomiting. Big Cubby will do great - you may be surprised at how well he behaves when he's there!
he will be ready and will be just fine. So will you. I went thru the same thing, except I was ready for him to start but when the day finally came I was a big mess the minute I left the school after leaving him there. I cried like a baby. Most likely he will behave better at school then he does with you, I know that hurts to hear too, but they are so eager to learn and see and do new things that they listen to the teacher way better than the parent. Tough to hear, I know - it was for me. I felt bad at 1st like I was doing something wrong, but then I was pleased because every teacher he has had since kindergarten has raved about him and how smart and well behaved he is and thank me for doing so well with him. I hope this helps and does not make you feel worse.
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