OK everyone breathe with me

If I can survive the next hour and a half then that will be a victory. Today the boys have gotten on my last nerve.

Big Cubby has done everything he can possible do to drive me crazy. I found the biggest knife we have under his bed today and when I asked him what he is doing he showed me the rips he made on his comforter. He has bugged and hit his brother a lot today which then makes Little Cubby needy.(more on him in a minute) He pulled a curtain down in his room. He poured a bucket of water out of the tub on to the floor. Caught him with a marker that is permanent. He has not listened to anything I told him to do today. Has fought me on everything. Hubby caught him in the middle of the night last night with my purse in his room and he said he was looking for gum. He isn't even allowed to have gum.

Little Cubby woke up to early today so he was crabby all morning. This means we wants to sit on my lap all day and be whiny. Nap time couldn't have come soon enough for him today. I think he has a tooth coming in so he has been up a lot at night.

UGH!!!!! Bedtime is at 8 and I can not wait until it gets here. I hope to keep a few hairs on my head.

Little Cubby woke up to

weekend

Not much to write about today. The weekend was pretty boring. I did hop on the El and went downtown to the library. I try to do this every couple of weeks. It is a nice break. Saturday I did this and started at the library first. Then I went over to Barnes and Noble to pick up a couple of magazines then I headed across the street to Chiptole for lunch. After lunch I went to Garrett Popcorn Shop and bought a bag of caramel corn popcorn. That stuff is the BEST!

We did have a student who lives down stair come up and watch both our boys play for a school assignment. She is in college with a major in Child Development. I am actually glad she came because she got see how the boys make all the noises I am sure she hears. She was really nice and it helped that Big Cubby got to meet her because now he knows he has to be quiet certain times of the day because J is downstairs. Her room is below Big Cubby's.

That is about it I hope everyone had a nice weekend!

Update

Well, we are still in the dark about what we are going to do. Hubby has tried two things to see if we could possibly move to Southern Illinois.

He applied for a job that would allow him to work from anywhere and he knows someone that works there who gave him some discouraging news that the position maybe part-time with no health insurance. The guy is supposed to get back to him at the end of this week but it does not look promising.

The second thing Hubby did was go to the company he works for now and proposed an idea that would allow him to work from SI. His bosses did not get what he was trying to do because they are idiots(long story on why they are) so he thinks that is out.

He has started applying for a few jobs that have been posted here so we maybe staying.

The one thing we do agree on is that he needs to get out of the company he works for now. It is not a great place to work. The job turnover rate is high. They don't pay well and expect a lot. Then if they don't like something they berate you.

Hubby is depressed again. We have been trying to revive our faith and it has been hard for Hubby to do.

So a lot of fun here at the Cub home. The future is still hazy which I hate because I am a planner and I like to know where we will be so I can plan it out.

I am going to fall back on my faith and pray that everything will fall in to place soon.

Pretty accurate

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you. Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times. At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

What Temperment Are You?

Annoying song

Do you know the song by the Pussycat Dolls "Don't Cha"? Well, it is this annoying song that has the line "Don't Cha wish you girlfriend was hot like me"

Big Cubby heard this song and now goes around saying "hot like me" I can't help but laugh when he does this.

meme

The first one made me laugh out loud.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Crystal!

1. Only fifty-five percent of men wash their hands after using Crystal!
2. Only one child in twenty will be born on the day predicted by Crystal!
3. Early thermometers were filled with Crystal instead of mercury!
4. If you lick Crystal ten times, you will consume one calorie!
5. Crystal was first grown in America by the grandmother Maria Ann Smith, from whom her name comes!
6. A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but Crystal can not.
7. Crystal is physically incapable of sticking her tongue out.
8. The moon is 400 times closer to the Earth than Crystal, and 400 times smaller!
9. Crystal is incapable of sleep.
10. Four-fifths of the surface of Crystal is covered in water.

The link did not work so here is the address for the meme.

What will the future hold

We had a decent weekend. We didn't as much snow as I thought only about 2 inches. Ran errands and did laundry. What excitement!

I wrote just recently that Hubby has been depressed about work. Well, it has gotten worse at his job and Friday he had a big blow out with one of his bosses. It seems that he cares more about the publication he works for then everybody else. They only care about money made from ad sales. This one person who has no idea what is going with their publication called the issues crap. Well, everybody else in the industry have said they are great. They love the photos on the covers, which Hubby took himself.

This person is know for stabbing people in the back to get ahead. She is not a very nice person. Hubby has worked for this company for seven years and this person has only worked for the company three years. He is tired of not being respected. He has finally decided to see what is out there and is applying to some places.

There is a possiblity that he can get this job working from home which means we can live where ever we want and we have been talking about moving back to Southern Illinois. Our family is there. I have good and bad feelings about this but in the end it might be best for our family.

So our future is up in the air right now and we have a lot on our minds.

Have you ever made a sacrifice for your family even though it is something you don't want to do but need to do? How have you dealt with your decision?

Friday Fun

Your Stipper Song Is

I'm" a Slave 4 U by Britney Spears "I'm a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it.I'm a slave for you. I won't deny it; I'm not trying to hide it." You may seem shy, but you can let your wild side out when you want to!

What Song Should You Strip To?

Read to Rumble

I am in the middle of a war of the wills. For the past few days has been a struggle between Big Cubby and myself.

I have to admit that I have not follow through with some of my punishments and have given two many chances to Big Cubby. He does not listen to me when I tell him to do things. He will listen to his Father though. This was not working for us so I have decided to follow through with my threats. Now I am known as the Mean Mommy.

I am tired of this kid not respecting me and not doing as I say. It has been a battle of the wills. This kid is just like me and he is stubborn.

Yesterday he would not get dressed so I took away his TV time. I took away movie time in the afternoon because he would not pick up his trains. When Hubby came home he got him to pick up. Today it has started all over again. I told him to pick up his trains he dumped out this morning before he watched his shows. He said no. So no TV time. He is in his room sitting there. This kid will scream and throw things. He will try to hit me. He told me yesterday he was going to cut me. Where did he learn this? I am trying to be calm and consistent but it is really hard.

UGH!!!!!!!! We are too much alike it is like butting heads. He is so defiant. I don't know if I am doing any of this right. I am exhausted and tapped out. This is going to be a long day I can tell you.

Golden Globes

Ok, last night I actually sat and watched all of the Golden Globe show. I don't normally watch award shows but nothing was on and Hubby went to bed early.

I am so out of the loop here. In the movie categories I had only seen one movie and that was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Here is the kicker, I probably won't watch any of them now. The TV side I do watch quite a bit so I knew what some of the shows were about.

Now the celebs. First, Scarlett Johansson's dress. This is the side view. My husband watched the pre show with me and he about feel out of his chair when he saw her. Does she have to rub our face in the fact she is young and has perky boobs?

There were a lot of great dresses and not so great. I don't have the time to go through them all but I want to say that Evangeline Lilly is a beautiful woman. She just possesses a natural beauty. I don't watch Lost.

I really don't care how the celebs kiss up to each other. This is probably why I don't watch award shows. I won't be watching the Oscars.

16 months old

Little Cubby you are 16 months old today. You are really hitting a developmental stride right now. More and more each day your little personality keeps coming out.

You love to run after your brother and play chase. When you get excited you squeal at the top of your lungs and spin around in a circle with your arms spread out.

You like to hide behind me and you laugh when I try to turn around to see you. This is one of your favorite games.

You are only saying a few words like daddy and wow. You can say mama but you don’t very often. You really like to just point and screech at what you want. You understand what we are saying though.

You still like most kinds of food. Just last night you ate all of your green beans. Something your brother will not touch. You really like to eat.

You still love to be held. You would be very content to just sit on my lap all day. If I am sitting on the floor you like to walk backwards and then sit down on my lap. You love to be cuddled. I love it when you put your little arms around my neck and give me a hug.

You are very active right now. You love to climb on everything. You can climb up onto the couch. You like to stand on the arm of the couch. You can climb on the chair by the computer. You even like to climb onto my back. You are a handful right now. You love to pull out all the toys just because you can. You don’t really play with them.

When you get tired you like to lie on the floor and just relax. It is like you are just waiting to get more energy.

You still use your pacifier. You are obsessed with the thing. You have to have one near you at all times if not two. This is a habit mommy is not looking forward to breaking with you. You are very strong willed.

You are getting a little better at sleeping at night. You still wake up once or twice. You still want to be nursed then and you go back to sleep. Another thing mommy wants to wean you off of.

You love to flirt with people. Every time we go out you love to smile at every one you see.

You love to watch your brother. I am afraid you are learning some bad habits he has but you don’t care you think he is funny.

You love to run to the door when your daddy gets home from work waving your hands and yelling daddy and dada. You get very excited to see him. You however don’t like it when mommy leaves. You get very upset and start crying.

You love to dance. Whenever any music comes on you sway back and forth to it. You really like the Wiggles music. You clap your hands even to commercials. You are so cute when you do this.

I can’t believe my baby is growing every day and learning new things. I love you and your brother more than anything. Both of you bring such joy into our lives.

I love you!

A peek of sun through the clouds

Last night I finally got Hubby to talk about what is going on with him. There are a lot of things going on with him right now. Work being the big one. There was even something that I have been doing and did not realize it was bothering him.

I told him that we were husband and wife and that we need to communicate with each other. I told him I felt like the nanny or the babysitter not his wife. He really opened up to me. Today he told me that he feels better getting it all out and that even though nothing is really solved he feels good about the future.

Thank you everyone for your advice and for letting me vent this out. It is really personal to me and I was afraid to put it out there. I know that everything is not perfect but we have a starting point and that is talking no matter how it will affect the other person. We just can't hold it in.

We both feel a big relief right now.

New Pictures

If you check out Flickr, Hubby has posted some new photos. We decided we were going to do our own photos after we decided that JCPenny's and Sears really don't do a great job. Hubby took these photos on two separate occasions for our Christmas gift to our family. We had the pics enlarged to 8x10 and 5X7 matte finish. They really looked professional and everybody loved them. The specific pics we used are this, this and this. I love them all.

I'll get by with a little help from my friends

I want to thank everybody for their comments they really mean a lot to me. Right now I am still talking to Hubby about this. Last night he came home from work and seemed more himself.

I think the biggest thing that is causing his depression right now is his job. His company is all about the bottom line and not the product. They don’t even read the products they put out just as long as there are lots of ads in them. A couple of Hubby’s bosses basically said to Hubby’s face trying to joke that he is stuck there and where would he go. There has been a lot of turnover there. This makes Hubby think what the hell is wrong with me and why can’t I find something else. I think he feels stuck because of our debt and we can’t afford for him to just quit or take a pay cut. This is hard on him.

I know it is hard on him because he is the sole money maker in the household. This debt we have will be paid off this year hopefully by summer and that will free up a good chunk of money. I know this will help things.

We will be married 13 years in February and he has never been like this. I will keep everyone updated on how he is doing. I really hope that this is just something he has to work out.

Hugs back to everyone!

All doom and gloom

I don't want this blog to turn into a bitch fest of all bad stuff. I try to balance with good times and bad times. Right now there is a lot of bad times happening. I don't know if I should blog this but I need a release.

All I can say I think my husband is suffering from depression and I don't know what to do. Insurance won't cover visits and we can't afford it. Not like he would go anyway he really won't admit something is wrong. I can't tell if it is just winter blues or more to it.

I don't want to say this but right now I hate him. He won't talk about it. He acts like some fucking martyr. I have told him he has talent in writing and photography and that he should be proud. He lost 27 pounds since October doing diet and exercise. He still wants to lose 30 more. He still doubts himself with this calling him self fat. He can't see how far he has come. He just sucks the life out of the room.

Yesterday he moped all day. We did not say one word to each for 2 hours until I told him to go take a nap in Big Cubby's room. He goes to bed early and then he wants to nap all the time. I ask him if he is feeling ok and he tells me he is just sucking it up.

I just want to cry. The boys sense something is wrong. I know that is job is not really great right now. The company he works for really sucks. The publication he works on had 5 people on the staff now there are 2, my husband and another writer. They are doing the work of 5 to put out the magazine. He is really stressed at work and yet he feels that with a wife and two kids he can't go anywhere that might be good but offer less money.

I don't know, sorry to dump all this out. It has been stored in me for awhile and I was going to explode if I did not get this out.

I was tagged

I was tagged by Angie over at Peas in my Pod. I tried my best to come up with five Weird Habits. I really am pretty boring.

My husband pointed out that whenever there is a weight loss show like The Biggest Loser, I will go get a few powdered donuts and watch the show. I did not realize I did this maybe it is a sign of something.

I tend to talk out loud to myself. I will go through things I need to do out loud to no one in particular.

I tend to be thinking about something and I will move my lips but do cause sound like I am having a conversation.

I am obsessed with checking out my gossip blogs like Dlisted several times a day. Don’t know if that is weird but it wrong.

When I am reading a book I have to find a break or the next chapter for a stopping point. I can not leave at a place where there is no distinction. It drives me crazy.

I am not going to tag anyone but if you are interested please play along.

King Kong Got Nothing On Me

Little Cubby is actually trying to push him off.

I am a kangaroo

Yesterday I spent almost all of my day holding Little Cubby. I don’t think he was feeling to well but not sure what it was. No fever, no coughing, no running nose. I think he just needed some Mommy time.

He laid on me and did not move much. He would get mad when I would hand him off to Hubby because I had to go to the bathroom. It was a long day. He took a nice long nap in the afternoon.

Today he woke up upset. He did not want to eat his breakfast at first. He ate while I held him on my lap. It looked like the day was going to start out like yesterday with me holding him but he has been playing a little bit this morning.

Big Cubby not happy with the situation so he was been in my face basically going don’t forget me. It is hard to juggle giving attention to both boys. I feel like one or the other gets slighted. I try real hard to give them both equal attention but I have to say Little Cubby gets more being smaller and all. Big Cubby then gets mad like this morning he hit Little Cubby with a brush.

The day should be interesting. Is it nap time yet?

Time to relax

I hope everyone had a great evening and are not to hung over! I wish you a very relaxing day!