For some reason I have been busy since Thursday and I haven't had time to update my blog until now.
Friday I bought a digital pregnancy test that had two for the price of one in the box. This pregnancy test literally spells out pregnant or not pregnant on the stick. So after I got home I took one of the tests. It came out pregnant. The next morning right after I got up I took the second test. It came out pregnant. Well, I guess that is official. I am still waiting until my November 13th appointment to be ready to accept the pregnancy. We did go ahead and tell our families. I just wanted them to know for their support. My family was really surprised and then kind of acted like we were crazy.
I have started getting some pregnancy symptoms. My sense so smell is strong and a lot of smells make me nauseous. I haven't thrown up yet though. Never go to Sam's Club if smells bother you. All the sample foods they had made me sick. The smell of all of them was gross.
I get nauseous if I start to get hungry. I have to eat something to keep it at bay.
I have been exhausted lately. I have been trying to doze will Little Cubby is napping and Big Cubby is watching a movie.
Overall I feel like crap. I don't feel normal and just feel ill. I am trying to cope because the boys don't know anything yet and I don't want them to worry especially Big Cubby.
Both boys have been really trying to fight for my attention lately. Pushing each other out of the way to sit on my lap. I am trying to balance attention for both but it is hard. What am I going to do with a third. I feel spread thin as it is. I guess I will manage.
I have one big worry and that is twins. My grandmother on my Dad's side is a fraternal twin. It is her and her brother. I think I would totally freak out if I found out I was carry twins. Pray that I am not.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Denial Denial
I have been in denial since taking the pregnancy test. So much in fact I am taking a different pregnancy test this weekend to double check. It sucks that my doctor's appointment isn't until November 13th.
Don't worry I have stopped drinking alcohol, only drinking one cup of coffee in the morning, drinking more water and taking a multivitamin.
The problem is I don't feel pregnant. With my first son, before I knew I was pregnant I would pass out and sleep at all hours. I was sooo tired. Then came morning sickness where most smells made me nauseous. My boobs were super sore. With son number two, I was tired, nauseous and boobs sore right away.
This time around nothing. I have no symptoms. My boobs are not sore or big. No morning sickness. Not any tired than normal. Nothing. It is really weird. I know that every pregnancy is different but this is really weird.
So you see why I am in denial about it because I don't feel it.
I have been worried about what this pregnancy was going to do to my relationship with my husband. Since kids, we sort of grown apart. Not bad just how things happen after kids. The past few months we have been working on our intimacy issues and were coming along nicely. Now this happens and I am afraid it will drive us apart. I have been trying really hard not to let that happen.
With everything else I am worrying about: money, the boys reaction when we tell them, where we are going to live next year(lease up in May and was only temp guy trying to sell), estimated due month in June, where Big Cubby will go to Kindergarten, money, going back to no sleep, whether to breastfeed or use formula(breastfed both boys but really hated it did it for their well being), whether the baby will be a boy or girl( have plenty of boy clothes), threw out a lot of baby stuff, and whether North Korea is going to have a nuclear bomb. Ok, maybe that is too much.
So that is what I have been going through the last couple of days.
Hubby and I talked last night about everything and he has been really supportive and understanding. I don't know what I would do without him. He has been great.
So not too much going on right?
Don't worry I have stopped drinking alcohol, only drinking one cup of coffee in the morning, drinking more water and taking a multivitamin.
The problem is I don't feel pregnant. With my first son, before I knew I was pregnant I would pass out and sleep at all hours. I was sooo tired. Then came morning sickness where most smells made me nauseous. My boobs were super sore. With son number two, I was tired, nauseous and boobs sore right away.
This time around nothing. I have no symptoms. My boobs are not sore or big. No morning sickness. Not any tired than normal. Nothing. It is really weird. I know that every pregnancy is different but this is really weird.
So you see why I am in denial about it because I don't feel it.
I have been worried about what this pregnancy was going to do to my relationship with my husband. Since kids, we sort of grown apart. Not bad just how things happen after kids. The past few months we have been working on our intimacy issues and were coming along nicely. Now this happens and I am afraid it will drive us apart. I have been trying really hard not to let that happen.
With everything else I am worrying about: money, the boys reaction when we tell them, where we are going to live next year(lease up in May and was only temp guy trying to sell), estimated due month in June, where Big Cubby will go to Kindergarten, money, going back to no sleep, whether to breastfeed or use formula(breastfed both boys but really hated it did it for their well being), whether the baby will be a boy or girl( have plenty of boy clothes), threw out a lot of baby stuff, and whether North Korea is going to have a nuclear bomb. Ok, maybe that is too much.
So that is what I have been going through the last couple of days.
Hubby and I talked last night about everything and he has been really supportive and understanding. I don't know what I would do without him. He has been great.
So not too much going on right?
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Snowfall in Fall
Here are a couple of photos of the snow we got on Thursday Oct. 12th in Chicagoland. It was a new record for early measurable snow. Crazy.
Out our dining room window
Our neighbor's car. Snow falling
Out our dining room window
Our neighbor's car. Snow fallingFriday, October 13, 2006
Dazed and Confused
Thank you everybody for the warm congrats. I have been in shock and a daze for the past couple of days. I am just trying to wrap my head around it. I have set up a doctor's appointment and it is on November 13th.
I know this is really early in the pregnancy and I haven't even confirmed this with a doctor but I wanted to share this in the beginning if God forbid something happens. I want to share all my feelings here since I can't with family.
I don't want to come off ungrateful or selfish here. I don't want to offend anybody who is having fertility problems. I know I am blessed and very lucky. I am just trying to work out these feelings.
This was not planned. When we were trying for both boys it took 6 months to conceive both of them. Two times for this one was all it took. Two times!
I feel guilty because my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have been trying for over ten years to get pregnant and can't. They can't afford IVF and have looked into adoption but it is also expensive. Here I am pregnant again and they have none. I know they love our kids a whole lot. I know they will be excited about the news but I feel deep down they might be resentful.
This is why my feelings are screwed up right now. I know that after the doctor's appointment when everything is confirmed and I have a due date that I might be able to relax.
By the way R. Martini, I am not keeping the test. I just wanted a picture of it instead.
Be warned everybody I am not a happy person pregnant. Both times I complained a lot. I am just warning you.
I know this is really early in the pregnancy and I haven't even confirmed this with a doctor but I wanted to share this in the beginning if God forbid something happens. I want to share all my feelings here since I can't with family.
I don't want to come off ungrateful or selfish here. I don't want to offend anybody who is having fertility problems. I know I am blessed and very lucky. I am just trying to work out these feelings.
This was not planned. When we were trying for both boys it took 6 months to conceive both of them. Two times for this one was all it took. Two times!
I feel guilty because my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have been trying for over ten years to get pregnant and can't. They can't afford IVF and have looked into adoption but it is also expensive. Here I am pregnant again and they have none. I know they love our kids a whole lot. I know they will be excited about the news but I feel deep down they might be resentful.
This is why my feelings are screwed up right now. I know that after the doctor's appointment when everything is confirmed and I have a due date that I might be able to relax.
By the way R. Martini, I am not keeping the test. I just wanted a picture of it instead.
Be warned everybody I am not a happy person pregnant. Both times I complained a lot. I am just warning you.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Long weekend and an ER trip
On Friday after Big Cubby got out of school, we headed to southern Illinois to visit my in-laws and to go to SIU homecoming. The trip started out bad we were stuck on 294 for two hours crawling along. We didn't get to SI until 8pm. Earlier that day we bought a portable DVD player with two screens for the boys and that was a lifesaver.
Saturday Hubby and I left the boys with my in-laws and headed to SIU to catch the parade and hangout at the tailgate party before the game. We couldn't get tickets to the game so we walked around campus and headed out for lunch at a local bar. It was really fun. We stocked up on SIU gear.
Saturday night my brother-in-law and sister-in-law came over for dinner at my in-laws. We were in the living room and Hubby and Big Cubby were down the hall. Hubby was checking email because he had to reply to something for work. Well, Big Cubby scared my in-laws dog while he was sleeping and he turned around and bit Big Cubby on the head. We heard this horrifying scream and ran down to see Hubby holding a scared Big Cubby and his forehead with a tooth mark on it. This dog is the most laid back and loving dog. The two things he doesn't like is being snuck up on and bothered while eating. Two things we have been telling Big Cubby all the time. We head outside to get some air because Little Cubby was concerned and Big Cubby wanted away from the dog. We walk up to this park and Hubby yells to me to come over to him and hurry. He says put on a brave face.
I get over to where he is and he shows me a small gash on Big Cubby's head. The dog grabbed a hold of his head and Big Cubby hit and kicked him off. So there was more to his wounds. I almost lost it. I told him I think we should go to the ER. Hubby didn't think so but agreed to ask his Dad about hit. They take off to the house while I tell my BIL and SIL what is going on and could they watch Little Cubby. I was crying by then because I knew my MIL would be really upset and think it was her fault which it totally wasn't. I get myself together and head to the house. By then my FIL says we should take BC to the ER. My MIL comes out and sees and almost falls over and starts crying. I run to grab BIL and SIL because FIL wanted to go with us but did not want to leave her alone.
We head to the ER and there is only one other person in waiting. We sign in and wait and wait. Finally he gets called and after 4 hours in the ER good news was he did not need stitches and they cleaned out the would, gave us a prescrib of pencillin and orders to clean it three times a day for 5 days. Well, the wound was all ready healing by the time we left on Monday. He is fine and still likes the dog though he knows to bother him.
Scary moment for all of us. My MIL felt horrible but BC told her that he loved her and that made her feel better. He knew it was his fault and he should not have done that to the dog. He felt bad.
So there is our adventure of the weekend.
Saturday Hubby and I left the boys with my in-laws and headed to SIU to catch the parade and hangout at the tailgate party before the game. We couldn't get tickets to the game so we walked around campus and headed out for lunch at a local bar. It was really fun. We stocked up on SIU gear.
Saturday night my brother-in-law and sister-in-law came over for dinner at my in-laws. We were in the living room and Hubby and Big Cubby were down the hall. Hubby was checking email because he had to reply to something for work. Well, Big Cubby scared my in-laws dog while he was sleeping and he turned around and bit Big Cubby on the head. We heard this horrifying scream and ran down to see Hubby holding a scared Big Cubby and his forehead with a tooth mark on it. This dog is the most laid back and loving dog. The two things he doesn't like is being snuck up on and bothered while eating. Two things we have been telling Big Cubby all the time. We head outside to get some air because Little Cubby was concerned and Big Cubby wanted away from the dog. We walk up to this park and Hubby yells to me to come over to him and hurry. He says put on a brave face.
I get over to where he is and he shows me a small gash on Big Cubby's head. The dog grabbed a hold of his head and Big Cubby hit and kicked him off. So there was more to his wounds. I almost lost it. I told him I think we should go to the ER. Hubby didn't think so but agreed to ask his Dad about hit. They take off to the house while I tell my BIL and SIL what is going on and could they watch Little Cubby. I was crying by then because I knew my MIL would be really upset and think it was her fault which it totally wasn't. I get myself together and head to the house. By then my FIL says we should take BC to the ER. My MIL comes out and sees and almost falls over and starts crying. I run to grab BIL and SIL because FIL wanted to go with us but did not want to leave her alone.
We head to the ER and there is only one other person in waiting. We sign in and wait and wait. Finally he gets called and after 4 hours in the ER good news was he did not need stitches and they cleaned out the would, gave us a prescrib of pencillin and orders to clean it three times a day for 5 days. Well, the wound was all ready healing by the time we left on Monday. He is fine and still likes the dog though he knows to bother him.
Scary moment for all of us. My MIL felt horrible but BC told her that he loved her and that made her feel better. He knew it was his fault and he should not have done that to the dog. He felt bad.
So there is our adventure of the weekend.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
I hate censorship and misinformed people
This story ran in the AP yesterday and it really made me mad.
Ga. mother seeks Harry Potter ban
Wed Oct 4, 3:00 PM ET
ATLANTA - A suburban county that sparked a public outcry when its libraries temporarily eliminated funding for Spanish-language fiction is now being asked to ban Harry Potter from its schools.
Laura Mallory, a mother of four, told a hearing officer for the Gwinnett County Board of Education on Tuesday that the popular fiction books are an "evil" attempt to indoctrinate children in the Wicca religion.
Board of Education attorney Victoria Sweeny said that if schools were to remove all books containing reference to witches, they would have to ban "Macbeth" and "Cinderella."
"There's a mountain of evidence for keeping Harry Potter," she said, adding that the books don't support any particular religion but present instead universal themes of friendship and overcoming adversity.
In June, the county's library board eliminated the $3,000 that had been set aside to buy Spanish-language fiction in the coming fiscal year. One board member said the move came after some residents objected to using taxpayer dollars to entertain readers who might be illegal immigrants.
Days later, the board reversed its decision amid accusations that the move was anti-Hispanic.
First, the woman doesn't have the right to tell anybody what to read. If she doesn't want her children to read it fine. Second, she has no idea what she is talking about. Wicca is not magic it is worshipping the earth. It is not the witches we think of for Halloween. Harry Potter is a fiction book which means it is not real. It is a fantasy story. If we teach our children then they can make their own decisions on things. Isn't that what are job is as parents raise informed children so when they are adults they can make their own decisions.
I know this own is probably Christian. I am a Christian. If she starts wanting books banned then what is to stop the banning of the Bible. Not everybody believes that is real. People need to think about what censorship does. If censorship happens what's to stop them from censoring something you love.
Sidenote: I don't agree with porn. That is why I don't look at it. I prevent my children from seeing. Adults have to make their own choices. By the way some porn is against the law and you know what I mean. So this isn't about that.
Ga. mother seeks Harry Potter ban
Wed Oct 4, 3:00 PM ET
ATLANTA - A suburban county that sparked a public outcry when its libraries temporarily eliminated funding for Spanish-language fiction is now being asked to ban Harry Potter from its schools.
Laura Mallory, a mother of four, told a hearing officer for the Gwinnett County Board of Education on Tuesday that the popular fiction books are an "evil" attempt to indoctrinate children in the Wicca religion.
Board of Education attorney Victoria Sweeny said that if schools were to remove all books containing reference to witches, they would have to ban "Macbeth" and "Cinderella."
"There's a mountain of evidence for keeping Harry Potter," she said, adding that the books don't support any particular religion but present instead universal themes of friendship and overcoming adversity.
In June, the county's library board eliminated the $3,000 that had been set aside to buy Spanish-language fiction in the coming fiscal year. One board member said the move came after some residents objected to using taxpayer dollars to entertain readers who might be illegal immigrants.
Days later, the board reversed its decision amid accusations that the move was anti-Hispanic.
First, the woman doesn't have the right to tell anybody what to read. If she doesn't want her children to read it fine. Second, she has no idea what she is talking about. Wicca is not magic it is worshipping the earth. It is not the witches we think of for Halloween. Harry Potter is a fiction book which means it is not real. It is a fantasy story. If we teach our children then they can make their own decisions on things. Isn't that what are job is as parents raise informed children so when they are adults they can make their own decisions.
I know this own is probably Christian. I am a Christian. If she starts wanting books banned then what is to stop the banning of the Bible. Not everybody believes that is real. People need to think about what censorship does. If censorship happens what's to stop them from censoring something you love.
Sidenote: I don't agree with porn. That is why I don't look at it. I prevent my children from seeing. Adults have to make their own choices. By the way some porn is against the law and you know what I mean. So this isn't about that.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Darkness
Some of you might wonder why I haven’t blogged and some of you probably could care less. Well, there are a lot of reasons why.
I have been sad and depressed. I don’t sleep well, don’t have much of an appetite, and I can’t make a decisions at all. I put on a brave face in front of the kids. I have been dealing with this through my faith and starting to feel better.
I have fallen into a trap called obsessive comment watching. I started this blog has a journal of my thoughts and feelings but know it has turned into trying to get more comments. I have felt like I have to comment on other peoples blogs in hope that they will comment on my. I have started to feel like blogging is like high school and I am trying to be popular but failing miserably. I am not one of the cool kids. I don’t have anything really poignant to say. I talk about my kids, big deal. Most people get sick of hearing about that.
I am not a good writer. I have trouble trying to describe how I feel. A lot of crap has happened the past few weeks. I dropped my cell phone in the toilet. Our van had to go into the shop to be fixed so Big Cubby missed a day of school because the van is our only vehicle. Hubby was gone three days last week for work and he is gone three days this week for work travel. The garbage disposal broke and I really don’t want to call the landlord about it because he doesn’t want to put any money into this place because he hopes to sell it soon. We are only on a year lease.
I haven’t been good at initiating friendships and keeping them. I have been alone for the most of my adult life with my Hubby really the only friend I have. I feel like I don’t fit in the town I live in. We are not rich. We don’t own our home. We live paycheck to paycheck. Some weeks all we have left in the bank is $30. I am not close to my mom. We have had a falling out so when we see each other it is uncomfortable and forced. I don’t have her to talk to about my feelings. I feel like I don’t have anything in common with the moms from Big Cubby’s preschool. I mean come on a couple of them have freaking nannies.
Life has been pretty hard for me lately. I have been getting back to my faith. I have been praying for God’s help and I have been reading the Bible to help me understand what is going on inside me. I trust that everything is going to work out it is just hard waiting for that to happen. I know with God all things are possible.
Going back over this, it sounds like crazy talk. I just needed to get these feelings out. I need to get my life in order.
I have been sad and depressed. I don’t sleep well, don’t have much of an appetite, and I can’t make a decisions at all. I put on a brave face in front of the kids. I have been dealing with this through my faith and starting to feel better.
I have fallen into a trap called obsessive comment watching. I started this blog has a journal of my thoughts and feelings but know it has turned into trying to get more comments. I have felt like I have to comment on other peoples blogs in hope that they will comment on my. I have started to feel like blogging is like high school and I am trying to be popular but failing miserably. I am not one of the cool kids. I don’t have anything really poignant to say. I talk about my kids, big deal. Most people get sick of hearing about that.
I am not a good writer. I have trouble trying to describe how I feel. A lot of crap has happened the past few weeks. I dropped my cell phone in the toilet. Our van had to go into the shop to be fixed so Big Cubby missed a day of school because the van is our only vehicle. Hubby was gone three days last week for work and he is gone three days this week for work travel. The garbage disposal broke and I really don’t want to call the landlord about it because he doesn’t want to put any money into this place because he hopes to sell it soon. We are only on a year lease.
I haven’t been good at initiating friendships and keeping them. I have been alone for the most of my adult life with my Hubby really the only friend I have. I feel like I don’t fit in the town I live in. We are not rich. We don’t own our home. We live paycheck to paycheck. Some weeks all we have left in the bank is $30. I am not close to my mom. We have had a falling out so when we see each other it is uncomfortable and forced. I don’t have her to talk to about my feelings. I feel like I don’t have anything in common with the moms from Big Cubby’s preschool. I mean come on a couple of them have freaking nannies.
Life has been pretty hard for me lately. I have been getting back to my faith. I have been praying for God’s help and I have been reading the Bible to help me understand what is going on inside me. I trust that everything is going to work out it is just hard waiting for that to happen. I know with God all things are possible.
Going back over this, it sounds like crazy talk. I just needed to get these feelings out. I need to get my life in order.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)