What is wrong with me

For three days I have been depressed and I can't cheer up. I know part of it is all of the sadness that is on the news about the victims of the hurricane but there is something else.

I am afraid to say it out loud because I don't want people to think I am selfish and I should be grateful. Believe me I know I am grateful for having my family safe and healthy.

My husband hasn't even noticed and if he has he is not saying anything which leads me to believe that he hasn't noticed. The man would definitely say something. That kind of pisses off and makes me sad at the same time. Big Cubby even notices something wrong and has been very loving towards me.

My husband doesn't like me to tell anyone about our debt and so our family doesn't know. We got into a little bit of credit card debt after Big Cubby was born and we are taking care of it now through a program. If we did not have the debt we would be living a little more comfortable and not dangerously paycheck to paycheck. It is going to be another year or so before it is paid off.

This keeps getting thrown into our face when we could use the money the most. I really wanted to send Big Cubby to preschool but after research we came to find out we can't afford to send him. I am not a good teacher so me trying to teach him is out of the question. This really makes me sad when I think about it.

I feel like we are failing our kids. I want them to have what I didn't. I was poor growing up and not until high school when my mom married my stepdad we actually got to go on vacation and have a better life. I don't want my them to go through what I went through.

I am now just rambling on and don't really know what I am saying. The only thing I have to do now is wait. Eventually the debt will be paid off and we have learned our lesson.

I am still sad about it and I wish my husband would notice.

OK I am going to stop depressing all of you.