I am not big on making New Year’s resolutions. I never keep them or forget about them. I think that is a lot of pressure to put on one’s self to make these decisions at the beginning of the year when you don’t know what is going to happen down the road ahead.
Last year I made goals I wanted to achieve for the year. What a laugh! Here is what I put down for my goals last year.
Get Healthy
Get Prayer time
Get Debt paid off
Get Savings
Get Happy
Get Relationship back on track.
I really did not work very hard on any of these except the debt stuff. Our debt should be paid off by the summer of 2006. I never made time to pray very often. I started out great last year on exercising but by March it was a joke. Never put any money away for savings. The happy part is less than I wanted it to be. My relationship with my husband has been strained. Not like divorce or anything but having two small children around makes it hard to focus on us.
I feel like I just existed this year and really did not contribute anything. I feel like I float through the days doing the same routine.
My husband was upset with me this year when he was trying to buy me something for Christmas. He said he couldn’t think of anything I like to do or was interested in. I don’t sew, cook, make crafts, or do any physical activity like biking or hiking. I don’t have any hobbies. Am I that sad of a person? I think I have lost my identity. It is not like I want to work or anything. Even though I graduated from college, I wasn’t really motivated to have a career.
I do a lot of reading when I can. I try to not let my mind turn to mush. It is hard when Nick Jr. and Disney are on.
I don’t know where I am going with this post. I guess I am just rambling on. This is the time of year when people take stock in their lives and decide what they want to do in the new year. January 1st is a new beginning to start fresh. I don’t know what I want to do. Maybe because I am exhausted from lack of sleep (Little Cubby not sleeping through the night and up like every freaking two hours.) that I am thinking about all this stuff.
Why do me make resolutions and never keep them?
8 comments:
Damn, girl! You DO sound like you're in a tough spot at the moment. My own theory about resolutions is that we don't make realistic ones. I've stopped doing that to myself. Last year my single resolution was to make a quilt because I'd just taken a quilting class. I didn't QUITE finish the big one I had in mind, but I did complete some smaller projects which was still in keeping with the real goal behind that resolution. (Keep sewing as a hobby.) Make it easy on yourself this year. Resolve to treat yourself a little better and don't beat yourself up so much. It's hard to get your relationship with someone else back on track if you're not feeling great with your own self. I don't know how you personally can do that--y'know, whether you're a monthly massage, or a girls' night out, or a daily walk kind of person or what have you. But do think of some simple way that you can be kind to yourself. And by the way, sleep-deprivation makes EVERYONE evil and depressed. It doesn't last forever, but that's hard to keep in mind when you're in the middle of it.
Do what I do. My New Year's resolution is NOT to make any New Year's resolutions.
Being a fulltime mommy is an amazing accomplishment! Contrary to what most people beleive in our society it is a real job! In Sweden mammas get paid to stay home! You are burning two new hard drives and that takes incredible skill, mommy! Sometimes in the midst of these daily trials we forget what incredible things we are witness to... The world will be a better place because of a mamma like you! I always thought of the sleep deprivation thing as likebeing in college again... it sucks, especially if you're a single mamma like me!
Boy, I remember the days of not knowing who I was. Hang in there baby, it gets better.
Be good.
I hate the resolution thing.
I always fail and therefore feel like more of a failure than I did before the damn resolutions.
I feel just like you.
Pretty sure I am nixing the resolutions this year.
My husband used to say the same thing about me. That I have "no hobbies" and I used to. Reading and writing were mostly it. I used to hang out with friends and look for funny shops and collect funky cats and I was interested in caves.
Then I got married and had kids. I felt the same way you did about "losing my identity"
Then I started blogging to bring writing back into my daily life. That's when it became crystal clear to me that writing would always be a big part of my life. It's still a hobby. So I guess you could say blogging is a major hobby for me now.
I've stopped making resolutions though. They never get kept.
First, I send you a hug. It sounds like you are going through a tough time, and I'm sorry. It's trite, but things will get better.
Second, don't worry about resolutions! My only resolution is to enjoy every moment I am alive. I'm so far in debt, it's scary. Like you, I don't do much except blog. I don't exercise, I'm allergic to it! LOL! So the best I can do it promise myself that I will do my best to make everyday the best day possible for me, my Hubs and my kids. That's all I can ask for!
In case I don't get another chance, have a wonderful New Year! Like, I've been saying to a few others, maybe we'll have the chance to meet each other in 06!! :)
I was thinking about you a lot yesterday, cubmommy. Actually, I was thinking about your husband not knowing what to get you for Christmas. If you have no hobbies because you're too busy raising the children you had together, then perhaps a gift certificate for a cleaning service is in order. Or a big ol' fat gift certificate to your friendly local bookstore? I suppose these suggestions are too late, but that's what I would've gotten you! Hope you're doing alright.
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