Last week was a trying week. The boys have a cold. Little Cubby seems to be teething. Lack of sleep. PMS. An argument involving Cub Daddy.
I have been pretty depressed lately. I am pretty sure it is due to the lack of sleep I have been getting between Little Cubby up several times a night cranky and Big Cubby coughing. I know I should not complain because I get to stay home with my kids but it is overwhelming sometimes. Little Cubby is very needy and wants to literally hang on me all day. This makes Big Cubby jealous so he wants to play and hang on me as well. This gets to be really exhausting. I have had no patience this week and seem to get angry more quickly.
I have started looking forward to bedtime at the end of the day for the boys. This is the only time I can get a moment to myself and just relax before the night shift begins.
I haven’t gotten sick yet, knock on wood but I fear it lurks behind the corner.
I feel the pressure of the holidays all ready. We are going to visit my in-laws on Thanksgiving which is a 6 hour drive. I have started saving money for gas but it is going to be expensive just to get down there. I wasn’t smart to start buying Christmas presents early so now I feel like I won’t be able to get what I want for the boys. The budget is very tight.
Cub Daddy and I had a row on Tuesday after he came home from having drinks at a farewell get together for a colleague who quit. He came home demanding this and that all because he was unhappy with his job. A lot of people have quit where he works and they have been all single so they can just up and do it. He can’t because he has kids so he feels stuck and that they can use and abuse him. So with a little bit of alcohol he got depressed and became a jerk. The next day he said sorry and changed his mind on his demands he made.
I keep trying to be positive and look into the future. Next year we should have our debt paid off and have extra money. We hope in 2007 to buy a home. We have never been a homeowner.
I am tired of not having any money. Cub Daddy doesn’t have dental insurance at his job and we can not afford to go yet. Both Cub Daddy and I need our wisdom teeth pulled very soon. Big Cubby needs to have his first dental appointment but we haven’t had the money to take him.
To save money I haven’t had my hair cut since March. I just throw it in a ponytail. I don’t even wear make up anymore.
I am tired of Big Cubby not listening to us when we tell him to do something then getting really mad at us when he gets in trouble. Why won’t the kid just listen?
I am sorry to unload like this I am hoping this makes me feel better getting this out. Last night we got about three hours of sleep because Little Cubby was up all night so I hope this makes sense.
I am really trying to find the good in my life and there is a lot but right now it seems out of reach.
I just want to go to sleep.
5 comments:
WOW, it has been a tough one. I too become overwhelmed at times, but I try not to dwell on the needs and consintrate on the haves. It doesn't always work, trust me. Honey and I go round about the money situation too but that also pans outs.
I've decided that it's out kids job tojust NOT listen.
Hang in there, try to get some rest and have a great day.
Hang in there Cub Mommy! It sounds like you have a plan on getting your debt paid off and buying a home. A plan is an important step!
I hope you are having a great Sunday and the rest of your week goes smoothly!
Cub Mommy--I feel your pain as I have been there too. Your babes are still really young, aren't they. It is SOOOOO hard, and sometimes sooo lonely and you feel like you've got no one who understands. The sleep deprivation is the absolute worst. It will pass, and there will be other things keeping you frought with worry (Is that even a word?!)... hang in there, and if you ever need to chat, email me.
Going to see Stacey Ballis, Josie Brown, Laura Caldwell and Jennifer O'Connell... google them to see what they've written--I have to go put my own three little bears to bed now.
Oh, and if the depression gets really bad, so bad that you don't want to get out of bed, get some help. I am on Effexor and it made me a much happier, calmer, nicer, better mom. Don't be afraid to get some help! xo Steph
Thank you so much for support. It really means a lot to me. I do sometimes feel alone and it is great to see that I am not.
Angie, I wished we lived closer it would be fun to get together.
Stephanie, Thanks for the info on the authors. Three of the authors I have read. Laura Caldwell is from Chicago. Thanks for the support as well you are great!
Erin, We have definitely learned a lesson in finance and are a lot smarter now. The plan is slow but we are getting there.
Momyblogr, Rest is definitely what I need and Hubby yesterday let me nap for a little while.
Bless your heart. Doesn't it seem like there's just never enough money for everything we need to do? I remember the wild abandon with which I spent it before there were mortgages and diapers and I have occasional longing for those days of no accountability.
The holidays are hard, I think, for everyone. It will be better in January - it always is. Hang in there!
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