Day of Remembrance

Today is the 10th anniversary of my father’s death. I can’t believe it has been that long. My dad and I had a rocky relationship all my life but it really did not kick in to being bad until after my parents divorced. It was a bitter divorce. It wasn’t until after I got married in ’93, did we start working on our relationship and started to love each other again. That was cut short.

My dad died of heart failure. He was 48 years old. Here is the story.

My dad got a virus in his heart. The doctor’s think he picked it up while in Vietnam during the war. It did not rear its ugly head until 1982. My dad blacked out one night and was taken to the hospital the doctor’s were not sure what it was they thought it was his lifestyle of drinking beer and smoking so he was told to quit those.

In the early 90’s he had another incident. My mom got a phone call from my dad’s best friend letting us know my dad was in the hospital in St. Louis. Side note: My step-monster step-mom hated us and did not call my sister or me about this. So we headed up to see him and he was doing better. He was told his heart had enlarged and he would need a heart transplant. So he was put on the list of organ donors.

He got better for awhile and then he had another incident. This time my step-mom called me and told us to hurry that they did not know if he was going to make it. We hurried to the hospital where my step-mom was hysterical and telling me to go in the room and talk to my dad and tell him he had to live that he would listen to me. So I am in his room telling him to fight it. Luckily he was stabilized and was doing better. He was taken back to St. Louis where he had is own heart transplant team. They moved him up the list and while he waited they operated on him and put a defibulater internally on his heart. If his heart stopped then it would shock it until it was beating again. He lived with this for a while and it did shock him a lot. He said he got used to it.

This whole time he has been moved up and down the transplant list so many times. He never let on how bad he was doing because I think he was afraid of the transplant and all the medicine he would have to take. Also not knowing how long he would live with a new heart.

On May 19, 1996, my sister was going to my dad’s house to pick up the list of people she would be inviting to her wedding that July. When she got to my dad’s house she knocked on the door and my aunt answered it. Everybody was crying and then she was told our dad had died.

My dad went to church and was leaving the service early to meet my sister at his house. He got in his car and wasn’t a block from the church when his heart stopped. The defibulater failed to work. He wrecked his car which wasn’t bad just a fender bender. He was rushed to the hospital and was declared dead.

We would not have known if my sister hadn’t been on the way to his house. She called my mom and my mom called me. My dad’s side of the family are very bitter and hateful people. You see they only heard one side of the story about the relationship my father and I had and they thought we were ungrateful kids. What they did not realize is that everybody was at fault. That we were working on patching it up. The funeral was horrible. We were not asked to go in on flowers and the only flowers that had Dad on them had a card from my step sister. During the visitation, people would come up to me and ask who are you? Um, I am his daughter and they would go oh, I thought he had only one daughter. I then told them that that was is step daughter and that my sister and I were is flesh and blood daughters. We had to drive in the back of the funeral procession. When we got to the cemetery I pushed ahead and made sure my sister and I had a seating in the limited seating area.

My dad was a vet and he had the gun salute. When that happened I lost it and broke down crying. I cried for the loss of my dad, I cried for the loss of our relationship, I cried for my dad never getting to see his grandchildren, I cried I lost my daddy.

I have not seen my dad’s side of the family in 10 years. I send my grandmother a Christmas card but that is it. My step-mom married within a year to one of my dad’s friends and moved to Wyoming.

A few weeks after my dad died I had a dream and it was a very vivid dream. My dad was at the foot of my bed and he told me not to worry that everything was going to be ok. I woke up and he was gone. It felt so real. I felt so much peace. I called my step-mom and told her about it. I don’t think she cared but it really made me feel better. He was telling me that we were ok.

A lesson here is never take anything for granted.

I love you dad and I miss you.